♥

The Melodies.

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Friday, October 25, 2013

When you have lost a big part of you, it is a bigger challenge to stay sane.

 I like quiet moments with time to myself. It's like there is no need to put on any form of expressions on my face. There is no need to strike a conversation, nor to maintain it. Right now it seems like the world has stopped, and it has stopped around me. I now own time, and there isn't a need to please anybody or to not be me.

 Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself that I do not know how to feel happy. I feel lost about the source of my happiness. My emotions are so still that it's like they do not even exist. I feel so still that there is a tinge of sadness. I'm not too sure where did this tinge of sadness comes from. Did it come from work? Did it come from family? Did it come from the boyfriend? Did it come from any other external sources. I have been asking myself over and over. In the end, I feel even more unhappy.

 I do not how to get rid of this tinge of unhappiness. I have done things that usually perks me up - ice cream; YouTube; junk food; happy food; sleeping. I have done it all, even to the extend of doing nothing. I still feel the darkness lingering. The worst part is that I do not know where did it come from...

 I do feel like a wooden plank, rafting through the ocean. Sometimes it's a little rough, and it makes me sick. Sometimes it's gentle wave will bring me around the ocean. In the end, I still do not know where my destination is. I am just floating around the ocean, going with the flow of the waves. I am just there, out there in the ocean. I feel like a wooden plank because I'm just floating around aimlessly. I'm not hanging on to anything. I'm not aware of where I heading to. It feels a little haunting.

 Yet now, I guess the only way to perk myself up is to update my playlist. It's outdated, and there aren't many of my new favorites in it. It is annoying. 

 Probably I shouldn't have. It made me look weak. And I hated that, because that tear-stained face is now imprinted in your memories. 

 It is a challenge to stay sane at times when I'm like this. I'm still struggling. I'm trying to hear what my little voice has to say. I'm trying to listen to me..

`beautiful delusions_
11:12 PM


JOANNE __;
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leo/horse `
very random and unpredictable (prolly weird) `

[loves lub] *
family `
loved ones `
everyone `


[wish] *
# family happy n peaceful n healthy (:
# everyone around me to be happy

# get a class 3 license
# Better job!


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