Sunday, September 12, 2010
Stay home weekends are productive.
At least I've cleaned my room, groom my baby, and packed my room as well. Yes, it has been a stay home weekend for myself. Let's just put it this way, I manage to ground myself, spending time doing things that I should instead of hitting the clubs like how I used to.
Hmmm, been thinking quite a bit these days.. I don't know, but I just can't help but to think a little these days. Ever since that day someone asked me "Are you happy?" all the way up till now, my brain has been working, doubly hard than usual. I felt lost when I saw that text, like really lost. LOL. Well, let's just put it this way, I'm kinda contented with whatever I have now - friends, family, and ok, work..
People told me, its time to let the past go and move on from there. My reply will always be a smile, and silence. I won't say I've like wow, 101% let go and I'm all ready to open up to the next, and so on. I mean it takes time for me to you know, rely on another. Of course, I must feel that the person is the right one, and that he's worth for me to open up myself to and so on..
I won't deny that, ya la, I'm scared. LOL. Yes, I'm seriously scared, like scared shit know, kinda scared. LOL. I don't know how am I gonna make the next work. I don't know how is it gonna even happen. I don't know if I can even you know, make the first move. I have no idea how can anyone confessed that he's feeling empty, but well, I gotta applaud him for that. There's no way I'll tell anyone that "hey, I'm feeling empty" even though I might be feeling that way. RAHS, I'm not making any sense, but ya, I know what I'm trying to say ( I do have ego, though its small, but I do have it, and ya, I do not open up to anyone, like easily. It takes a lot of efforts to prove it to me).
Well, I know, and I'm trying to like, slowly unbreak this ice around myself. Of course, the other gotta prove his worth before I do anything too. I'm not playing hard to get either, I'm just tying to observe, to see things carefully before I jump again.. Uh well... Again, people tend to judge, without giving you a chance to explain. Humans.....
I got confused when I stand and looked at you.
I got confused when you were so sarcastic, and got angry.
I got even more confused when you chose to ignore, and thats that.
`beautiful delusions_
9:58 PM
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Saturday, September 11, 2010
Whoooo! Long weekends, are the best!
Ok, here's what I'm gonna do, clean my room, groom baby, and deco my own wall, like finally!! I cant really stand that empty patch. HEHS. Wheeee!! Clean clean clean :D I like!
Life's been pretty much the same :D Awesome people, awesome company, make me feels awesome too! :D
No, I don't hate you. I just don't know how to go about pretending that things are alright and rely on you like how I used to. Prolly because I'm afraid that I might get sucked into the cycle again. I wanna stop relying on you, and be so sheltered from everything with your presence. There's no point hating you. Everything started out wrongly last year, thus all the insecurities.. It's all over. I will contact you when I feel that I'm ready..
Oh my love, you've no idea how much it hurts each time your text came in, and showing that you still care. You've no idea how much efforts I've been putting in, to move on. Many times I wished that I could pretend that nothing has ever happened, and forget all the pain that you've brought me through, and just run back to you.. But I need to protect myself from those emotional threats too.. Hope you get my drift..
`beautiful delusions_
3:24 PM
