The voices went on a decrescendo, and echoed along with the silence.
I'm still up at such un-earthly hour, and I can wake up early early in the morning without feeling tired. Prolly my body will feel fucking tired, but I can never doze off. Ughs. I seriously hate this shit-Insomnia. Like what the hell?
Flying off tomorrow (since today is already considered Thurs), and I so have to pack my luggage later. Gonna call vanny up and plan what to bring. When you have 2 sotong queens, you'll have things missing, or forgotten. LOL. Not a good thing please, but I'm excited about the trip.
Hopefully, this trip is something fruitful, like act as a getaway or something. I need it, like seriously.
Thanks for bringing Ah Cow to play with me again, today (: The handsome boy did cheer me up. And no, I will not go club when I'm already home after a day out. Still, thanks, for staying up to talk to me. HEHS. See ya when I'm back! (:
Maybe you should heed their advices, and move on. Whatever happened will remain in that particular memory lane, for that particular time-zone. I have no idea what else to say. I'm not denying, nor running away. I'm just, here. And no, no sympathy is needed.
There, I'm beginning to feel drowsy. It sure kicks in fast, faster than anything. For now, I shall drift to my lala-land. Uhs..
`beautiful delusions_
2:44 AM
<body>
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Today, I stared at the number of blogs/live-journals that I have and I got a shock.
Just how many journals/blogs do I need? One of the blogs contained a part of my past. The other, for another period of history. And another, its just totally private. Only this, is open to all.
Its quite scary when I think about it. It's like, "WTF do I need so many blogs for?" Naturally, an answer pops into this tiny little brain of mine. The answer whispered and echoed its way through all my nerves, and to the brain. I have the answer, but I can never figure it out, exactly why. "Denial" it said. I beg to differ. I'm not living in denial. No, I'm not. I'm just.. normal, like you know, think about things and issues, and discover the answers yourself. Its normal, isn't it? Everyone does that, no?
Uh wells, I really need a nice escape from all these shits that are raining on me, like free flow. Laughs. Flying off this Friday, and I believe its a good time for me to unwind, and break-free for a week. Probably when I'm back, the parents will stop nagging, things will stop screwing up for me. Maybe, things might turn out better, then. Maybe..
I once said how afraid and panicky I can get when I could not hear my thoughts properly. I will get panic attacks, and feel totally breathless, until I can hear myself think and breathe. However, now I detest the silence that I'm facing each and every night when everyone is asleep. 'Cuz I can hear my own thoughts arguing with one another, loud and clear..
`beautiful delusions_
2:01 PM
<body>
Thursday, March 18, 2010
I'm telling you, right now, as I blog, my face is like haywire. You know, the kinda face that is rather, squashed, with pouty lips, and big nostrils, and with one eye bigger than the other?! Reason? I'm gonna miss this "ROCK & ROOTS" concert/event. OMG!!! *grabs and pulls hair* I WANNA GO LEHS!!! :(
This is like WOAHS for me please. Firstly, its of the "rock" genre, and I heard the previews via the webby http://www.rockandroots.com.sg/ and its the kinda genre that I'm into?! Moreover, THE FRAY will be performing!!!!!!
OMG. My heart is like pounding like some.. lion, trying to break free from the cage?!
Secondly (this is the saddest part, that really set my world spinning. Imagine lightnings come crashing down and hit me on the head. A little drama and cartoon-ish, but this is how I'm feeling), BRO HAS THE TICKETS FOR THE EVENT. AND I WAS INVITED TO GO!!!!! OMG. I'm gonna faint now. I can't go, 'cuz I won't be in SG. TELL ME, THIS IS A BAD TIMING. OMG!!!
Alright, enough of the ranting.. (my lips are trying to force a smile on my face, and continue blogging). Anyway, despite the chaos over at BKK, I'm still going on the date set. Wish me luck okay! PRAY FOR ME, PEOPLE! =D
p.s Thank you bro, for being around. I'm really proud of our friendship, as its still standing so strong even after so long. Even when we don't meet up often, I'm really glad that we still contact each other once in awhile. Even if its once in awhile, its good enough! ((: *hugs*
I must say, I'm really proud of being who I am, even when some people might judge me based on my unexplainable actions. I'm being direct most of the times, and that is because I don't hide. I'm just being me. I show my displeasure right at the person if he/she has pushed the limits. I don't go "hahahahahas" with the person when its obvious that I dislike him/her.
I don't fall for people easily. It takes more than just honey-coated words, and gimmicks, for me to truly love someone. And yes, I once erred- I gave up on myself, on everybody. BUT so what? Who doesn't go through that phase before? At least right now, I'm no longer that loser who plays around, and tarnish "love" itself. Arghs, enough of rants. Humans.. I'd rather play with dogs =D
Everyone used to ask me "Aye, you do tattoo, not pain ehs?"
My reply would always be "No".
Reason being? Life itself is even more painful than all these physical pains. What's this compared to the wounded soul within..?
`beautiful delusions_
10:12 PM
<body>
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Please don't be like the smoke, they sting my eyes, then they vanish. Please don't hurt me, and disappear. Stay, and mend the broken pieces, ok?
I realised that its been really long since I last blogged about my emotions. I used to blog like I was writing a story. These days, I just blog mainly for the sake of doing so. HEHS. Thus, the "dead" blog, I guess?
Anyway, tomorrow is another day. I'm still jobless, and as a matter of fact, I'm feeling rather stressed up please. Yes, my empress has been nagging at me to get a decent job. I was like, ok, sales? admin? normal low pay jobs? Her immediate reply was "no" "no", and "NO". I understand luhs. She's just afraid that I might be underpaid, as I'm fresh from the "oven" what. Points taken, but constant nagging ain't gonna help either. It's gonna drive me insane someday. OMG. I think my hair is turning white luhs! *checks*
*Yawns* you see, its not that I didn't make the effort to blog, like really blog blog, but I'm so freaking tired after ahwile.. >.<" I run out of things to mention in this blog, I run out of ways to express myself, I run out of whatever creative juices. And b'cuz I don't wanna blog like some emo shit, I've nothing much left for me to blog about. LMAO. NO! It's not that my life is darn pathetic or what ok. Its just that, I don't feel so happy these days la. That's all.
At times, I just can't help, but to laugh at some people. I'm not evil ok! *shakes head* It's just the way they like to portray themselves and all. It's just, I don't know. I shall *zip zip* I just don't like the way some people assume things, you know? (:
With that, I shall end this lengthy entry, filled with rubbish, now. HEHS. Good night, earthlings (:
`beautiful delusions_
1:14 AM
<body>
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Take me to the floor (:
Don't hang up on me. You knew how real my laughters are. You knew how I feel.
`beautiful delusions_
5:16 PM
<body>
Friday, March 12, 2010
Chanced upon this, and I thought "Hey, not bad ehs, quite meaningful, and rather motivating. Is this some hint or what?" The tune is rather catchy, and I was wondering, why the heck didn't I discover this earlier?! Especially when it existed since the 80s or 90s? HECK LA, its good means its good! =D
Last night was another sleepless night I tell you. It was like, I managed to doze off only around 4am?! I was like rolling around in bed, with many random thoughts in my tiny ass brain. "Port-folio; Camera; Trip; Prices of ciggy going up; Mum's way of showing her displeasure; Job interviews. On top of all these, introducing to you, rank number 1- MONEY! Nabeh. Told you money is the root of all evils/unhappiness/displeasures. NOW, money is the root of my insomnia. @#$%^&*()_+
Anyway, tomorrow I'm going over to the IT fair again, to check the cameras out. Oh, did I mention that daddy agreed to spon me? HAHAHAHAS. Shit, now I sound like some spoilt brat who does nothing at home, but ask for money. CB. YOU SEE! That's the main issue behind my mum's constant nagging. Alright, back to the topic-dad is sponsoring me. HEHS. AWESOME. =D He's in a good mood today :P
Oh, you know what?! Evie was super sweet please! She sorta wanted to spon me for my cammy and port-folio. OMG please. Can you believe it?! She's so supportive luhs. Haiyoh, but I'm ok la. Come on, I'm gonna work, and earn money for all those shits. =D And I called up an old friend, who is now a jail bird, for help. Apparently, her situation is so much worst than mine. She has money, but her cards are with her partner. Sad right.. LMAO. BUT, still, thanks for offering to help (:
Alrighty, I'm off to chat, and scold that bloody bugger! =D
`beautiful delusions_
9:16 PM
<body> It's been close to a week since I last fall sick, and I'm actually recovering. Thank you.
Its been a week, since you popped over. Nonetheless, thank you, JLZH. Although you knew that at that point of time I'll never open the doors for you, and I will never see you, but you still came, with my favourites. Thank you for the effort.
Finally, its some closure for you, I hope. And thanks for the efforts that you put in after that, trying to make things work. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't bring myself to it anymore. Anyway, things are good now, and so, all the best in all that you do. And good luck to you, for your dreams, films, future.
Thank you for bringing me closer to art, and discover another part of my inner self.
`beautiful delusions_
6:12 PM
<body>
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I realised that my blog is officially dying. Anyway, here are some super overdue photos. WAHAHAHAHAS. I'm gonna miss those times, my babies! (:
During lecture, when I have nothing to do, I will do this! And I mms-ed baby on that very day, on the very spot. HEH HEHs. Lectures can drive me insane, you know!
Ok, the below photos can be very disturbing. RIP, my lecture notes. I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect you from harm, and maybe pain. You know you've always been a dear, aiding me in my studies, and I do cherish you. I love you, lecture notes. HEH HEHs.
See, how badly she's being disfigured?! :( Hahahas. Ok la, at least the doodle-r did erase everything from the book for me. HEHs. Yes, judging from the handwriting and drawings, it was all done by CHARMAINE! hahahas.
Then the following photos were taken during the FYP hectic period. Yes, spent the night at the airport's TCC, during weekdays (so we were not that inconsiderate after all ok).
Check out the number of laptops there are! GOODNESS. All, chiong project! LMAO.
Allowing the coffee to do its magic! =D
Alrighty, for now. I still have more. Maybe I should just upload them up in facebook. HEH. YAY, Imma gonna meet evie later ((: For some interview, then to go shopping. YAYS. Evie is gonna support me financially, till I find a job, hor hor hor?!! =D Forget about the other one from my clan. I'm the better lion. HAHAHAHAS.
Alrighty, gotta rush before I'm late again. Interview, cannot late sial! HEHS. Toodles! =D
`beautiful delusions_
12:11 PM
JOANNE __;
leo/horse `
very random and unpredictable (prolly weird) `
[loves lub] *
family `
loved ones `
everyone `
[wish] *
# family happy n peaceful n healthy (:
# everyone around me to be happy
