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Wednesday, August 31, 2011
It's been awhile since I'm here. I mean, seriously, it's been eons I assumed. Life has been fine, and yeah, lotsa changes, lotsa shits. Damn, I've certainly been through them but in life, you've to go through them more than once, even if they're the same shits.
Well, been through some shits, and yes, my ex-gf came and help me with my life all over again. Yes, ex-gf. Well, not many people can accept this, so I didn't really tell this to any of my dates. And yeah, all these while, I never had a good image. I mean, with all those additional inks now and there, all the partying, and all the alcohol binging. So yeah, most guys whom I've known and dated are pretty much from the scenes. Normally what do those guys wanna do? Well, they just want someone to fill up the empty space inside them or probably sex.
Since the disaster in my own life last year, I've been dating. Yeah, dating here and there, trying to find someone who's suitable. Someone whom I'll be able to entrust my little heart to. Well, a few of them did make it to the criteria, but, they didn't give me a proper status so it was just dating with no official commitment. Ok, I'm a girl, so to me, it's friggin' important even though I was a party animal. Look, I may be a party animal, but I'm not some whore so yeah, you get the drift.
Well, so all along, I was often seen with different guys, but with no official status. *shrugs* People might probably think I'm some escort, party escort to be exact. But as far as I know, that wasn't the case. So...... Today, things begin to change. Well...
Someone whom I've been dating, for a month plus, 2, decided to give me a status. Seriously, I was probably so touched that I could nearly cry. Now you know how much this status thing means to me. Anyway, the first female instincts is to drill him about it, like why, and how many girls did he date after I rejected him last year (it was a long story. if I feel like it, I'll tell), etc.
Let's just put things this way, I felt safe 'cuz I'm smarter than him. Whatever he does, I know what the hell was going on. For example, we saw his ex date that day at downtown east, and they exchanged glances and smiles.
Me: Is she your friend?
He: Oh yeah, she is. From my sec school.
Me: *gives the suspicious stare* Is she your ex gf or something?
He: *surprise look* HUH?! No la b... Why ask?
Me: *stares harder*
He: B, don't look at me like that. Your eyes very big. Why you suddenly ask?
Me: Tell me the truth. She was your somebody before right?
He: Yes, B... BUT HOW'D YOU KNOW?!
Am I smart or what. Ok, some of you might think that its a girl's thing. They get suspicious and will try to test out their partners by making assumptions so that their partner might think "OMG, she knows it. Should I risk telling a lie, or risk telling the truth?!" Well, no, that wasn't for my case. Call it the females' instincts thing. So yeah, he can't lie to me 'cuz I can tell. So, I feel pretty safe with that.
Well, I don't know man. He accepted my past, and he's cool with me hanging out with my ex-gf. He's been really patient with me. I gave him hell at times b'cuz I'm like a land mime - I explode right at you and send you straight to hell if you were to step on me. Well, driving me around at 3am, finding BBQ chicken wings wasn't easy. Especially when you felt your eyes closing anytime soon, but he did that.
At times, I got really pissed at him for being so insensitive and sloppy, and inattentive. But I guess it's just a guy's thing. They try to be more sensitive, but girls will always think that they're not being meticulous enough and so on. Uh wells, my brain, heart and soul is not really here at the moment. I'm just deciding if he's worth it - me announcing my commitment to this relationship, and forgoing all other potentials (suitors).
He said, he's ready to commit and he wants this to work. I'm so not sure man. Ok, I'm elated to know that, wow, someone is so willing to go the extra mile for me, and wanna start something with me, officially. It's like, he's also forgoing his chances of hooking up other chicks (who might be hotter and cuter than I'm!). So it's like, mutual commitment.. Ughs, I'm sleepy.
Am I ready for it? To just jump into this, and not leaving myself any back-up plans. Am I really? Ready for this leap? Am I really willing to give it all....?
This silly boy makes me smile, and at times, shorten my life span by prolly 5years or more.. Well, am I willing to shorten my life span by prolly 50yrs 'cuz of him? Hmmms.... The next official r/s in like, close to 2 years? I must be insane..
`beautiful delusions_
12:44 AM
