The Melodies.

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Friday, October 25, 2013

When you have lost a big part of you, it is a bigger challenge to stay sane.

I like quiet moments with time to myself. It's like there is no need to put on any form of expressions on my face. There is no need to strike a conversation, nor to maintain it. Right now it seems like the world has stopped, and it has stopped around me. I now own time, and there isn't a need to please anybody or to not be me.

Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself that I do not know how to feel happy. I feel lost about the source of my happiness. My emotions are so still that it's like they do not even exist. I feel so still that there is a tinge of sadness. I'm not too sure where did this tinge of sadness comes from. Did it come from work? Did it come from family? Did it come from the boyfriend? Did it come from any other external sources. I have been asking myself over and over. In the end, I feel even more unhappy.

I do not how to get rid of this tinge of unhappiness. I have done things that usually perks me up - ice cream; YouTube; junk food; happy food; sleeping. I have done it all, even to the extend of doing nothing. I still feel the darkness lingering. The worst part is that I do not know where did it come from...

I do feel like a wooden plank, rafting through the ocean. Sometimes it's a little rough, and it makes me sick. Sometimes it's gentle wave will bring me around the ocean. In the end, I still do not know where my destination is. I am just floating around the ocean, going with the flow of the waves. I am just there, out there in the ocean. I feel like a wooden plank because I'm just floating around aimlessly. I'm not hanging on to anything. I'm not aware of where I heading to. It feels a little haunting.

Yet now, I guess the only way to perk myself up is to update my playlist. It's outdated, and there aren't many of my new favorites in it. It is annoying. 

Probably I shouldn't have. It made me look weak. And I hated that, because that tear-stained face is now imprinted in your memories. 

It is a challenge to stay sane at times when I'm like this. I'm still struggling. I'm trying to hear what my little voice has to say. I'm trying to listen to me..

`beautiful delusions_
11:12 PM



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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

14th October 2013, 7.08pm

An evening at Antoinette, alone

With the soft French music playing in the background, I ordered a pot of caramel creme, their signature Antoinette, and Angelic. It is just so marvelous.. I mean, a pleasant evening, with nice tea, and nice cakes. 

From my seat, I watch the sun setting. Occasionally, vehicles will pass by, and random strangers walking past. The waiter was really nice as he was recommending me cakes, and he sure does provide great service. I enjoy being here. It is like a time for myself, undisturbed.

Angelic is indeed living up to its name. The soft and fluffy texture of the cake. It has a tinge of raspberry between the layers, and there, in the middle is the chocolate crunch. The combination is close to perfect. The outer white chocolate wrapped itself around the fluffy sponge. The sponge is so fluffy and soft that it immediately melts in my mouth, together with the white chocolate. It's like a perfect combination. The chocolate crunch blended in so well that it brings out the sweetness of the raspberry, reducing its natural sourness. It is then finished off with 2 little marshmallows on top. Perfecto.

Needless to say, Antoinette is still the one in the limelight. She's fully coated with dark chocolate, around the chocolate moose. It's perfect for chocolate lovers like me. The simple and plain outlook is does not verify or express its taste. Although simple, it sure looks classy and elegant. The taste itself is amazing. You get to taste the dark chocolate that is not too dull, but has that tinge of sweetness in it.

After all the sweet cakes, the tea is perfect in neutralizing the tastes, and cleansing your mouth with its mildly sweet taste. It rinses your taste buds to savor another cake. It makes you feel more refreshed, collecting your thoughts, and readjusting your every single taste buds.

Sometimes I think life is like this. You are tired of the rat race, of the chase, so you find a comfortable place to settle down, to take a break. I guess, that's when you realize the wonderful things in life are that simple - nice cakes and tea. I'm amazed, by how I enjoy this alone time, savoring the wonders of this little cafe. Life is perfecto at this point of time. Soft music playing in the background, and having the entire cafe to yourself. How I wish this moment is forever, like maybe not forever but for a long long time. 

As I'm typing this, I kinda imagine myself to be in a cafe of a foreign country, enjoying my evening, embracing the nightfall. As night falls, the vehicles on the streets are rushing elsewhere, away from work. The pace here has slowed down, and I do feel myself relaxing, even when I see the vehicles out there rushing to their destination. 

Uh.... Let me enjoy this peace and serenity while it lasts. Let me gather some thoughts to myself. Let me hear my little voice speak again.. Let my little voice give compliments to this cafe, it's service, the cakes, the tea, and the tranquility that the cafe brings.. 

`beautiful delusions_
5:11 PM



JOANNE __;