♥

The Melodies.

<body>
Thursday, September 15, 2011

Over at 4am.

Right now, I'm supposed to be asleep, supposed to be lying on my bed like some dead log. Yet, I'm not. Here I'm, typing away on my laptop discreetly..

I was at the scene, and was probably shaking shake shake. I drank till I felt so bloated and disgusted by the whiff of smell of alcohol. Amazingly I was sober, and I was staring hard at people who stared at me. Tonight is the night that I've to vehemently admit that age is my nemesis. I'm no longer part of the catch; I'm no longer the cup of tea of the crowd. I've lost my position of the dancing diva, I've lost my position, in the limelight. This is nothing biggie to mourn about, as a matter of factly. I know, I'll eventually age, and that I'll not be part of the trendies. All these just didn't dawn on me. It makes me feel insecure, being me.

This is probably when I feel insecure about losing people who loves me. I'm afraid of losing out, and that they might stop loving me all because my market value is no longer as high. I suppose this is when insecurities started to envelop me. *Shrugs* Am I losing all my charisma just because I'm aging? This is one helluva frightening thought. Will I start losing the people around me...?

Back to the drinking part, I'm proud of myself that I was probably the most sober one there. Disadvantage : You get elbowed, stepped on, and chinned by the high/drunk people with big actions. It's annoying because I end up with bruises even though I wasn't swaying around?! WTF. Yes, I can't go around scolding them 'cuz this is how it is, plus they weren't sober enough to think logically. So yeah, all I can do was "FML."

In any case, some songs that made me wanna cry without fail: Boomerang, and DJ got us fallin' in love again. Damn, I still have the soft spots for these songs. Not because I'm still living in the past, but 'cuz there wasn't any closure. Without closure, a part of me will tend to linger in the past (to and fro). I'll tend to wonder, but nothing more. Uh wells..... Forget it, now I'm swaying. LMAO. I'm too sleepy. Till then, nights.

Don't stop loving me b'cuz nobody wants me, alright? Don't stop cherishing me b'cuz I'm unwanted by others, alright?

`beautiful delusions_
4:05 AM


JOANNE __;
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