♥

The Melodies.

<body>
Wednesday, April 29, 2009

School, homework, fears.

Been busy with school, homework, and of course, friends (not forgetting my old friends whom I have yet to meet up for quite awhile. *AHEMS*) (: Wells, just a quick update for my readers/silent readers, my life is still pretty much alright. Uhs, apart from the fact that I'm sick and yes, I'm still not recovering. Some of you might have guessed, I did not watch my diet despite me being sick. HAHAHAAS.

And yes, regarding fears. I realised that I'm still afraid of the dark (LOL). Yes, I will wake up at 5.30am, and not be able to sleep though I was fucking tired. It happened and it was 'cuz I was afraid of dark, so I didn't dare to sleep. LOL.

Anyway, I'm in school. Blog again tonight or something. Uhs..........

Many times I mistook passing planes as stars in the sky.
Many times I mistook satellites as stars in the dark sky.
Finally, I've found genuine stars that shine for me,
during the darkest period of my life.
And I'm thankful (:
I'm still on recovery but I'm willing to hang on strong (:

`beautiful delusions_
5:19 PM


<body>
Saturday, April 25, 2009

LOM JUNIORS Orientation.

Enough to make me feel so weak; sleepy; voiceless; float-ish, etc. Photos to be updated, when I'm free. I wanna chop my hair, the weather's insane, and its turning me to a nut case. HAHA. Oh, tutorials to be done, timetable to be printed/made. OH MY.

Guess what? I wanna go Taiwan with juniors and baby, BUT its so fucking expensive. Its frigging $1600 (after the rounding off), EXCLUDING my own expenses there (so it might total up to fucking $2000). Oh wells, I'm too tired, drowsy, and sick to blog. Movies to catch and dinner outing tomorrow. I NEED TO SLEEP, WELL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAVyZmSwWjk&fmt=18 -The video produced by our IG's secretary (: Applause to all juniors, seniors, and lecturers involved. It was a successful event (: AWESOME (:

good night people.
i'm just floating off.

`beautiful delusions_
12:33 AM


<body>
Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Exposing the horrible side of human beings.

I stood there, hiding from her view. My heart was racing, and my legs turned jelly. It was my first time doing this, and I was fucking afraid. I grabbed on to sugar, asking her if I was doing the right thing. There were 2 voices fighting within me : the compassionate one, and the firm-strong one.

She called again, and I was hesitating as to answer her call, or not. I kept delaying the meeting time and I was feeling guilty. Yes, guilt was crawling its way all over me. I could feel my heart thumping as I was leaning over to sugar's.

Without much pondering, I walked over to her. I was greeted with a smile that was filled with excitement. Within seconds, I ruined that smile with an opening sentence of "Oh, so you know my friend, X? I know her, and we're kinda close. I know what you're up to." Her smile changed to a look of shock. The next thing I know, she was patting my arm, and apologizing, admitting to her mistakes.

We continued the conversation with me talking most of the time, and her, replying in silence. We parted not long after, and her eyes were teary. She looked real pissed. As soon as her back turned on me, I was feeling all guilty, all over again. I kept asking sugar if I was doing the right thing by fooling her, and exposing her cunning trick. Sugar kept assuring me that what I did was right. I shouldn't let her get away so easily. She's just flirting around, and trying to see who she can get.

Oh wells, many thoughts were flooding my mind after the entire thing. I was thinking, is she even wrong to flirt with people who're not attach? "No" was the answer. Yet, it was wrong of her to flirt with people, and getting them to be serious about her, and to be her gf, when she doesn't even mean it. *Shrugs*

Human beings are the smartest, but are the most complex living creatures as well. They lie, they cheat, they hide, they hurt each other. They can do almost anything or everything to achieve their goals. And I'm a human too, but I can never understand why do they do such things? Are they so overwhelmed by their goals that they're void of emotions? In any case, I've learned, to be stronger, else you'll be devoured by the evil in this world. I've learnt my lessons the hard way, during this holidays..

"You're heaven sent."

`beautiful delusions_
10:57 PM


<body>
Monday, April 20, 2009

Buay tahan.

I seriously can't stand it. Its like SHIT. Mixing everything together before heating up, and claiming that they have bacteria?! I think I will LAO SAI not 'cuz of bacteria but the WEIRD MIXTURES. I HATE IT. Like seriously, FUCKING HATE it!

Seriously, at times I wonder, I can never win an argument. Especially when he's not even listening. Like what the fuck. Once again, I'm having weird mixtures of food, and chaota sardine for dinner. He just kept whining about chicken, and bacteria, and people DYING FROM FOOD POISONING. WHAT-THE-FUCK. And I might die from cancer- ALL THE CHAO TA FOOD. =.=" He's just trying to kill the bacteria, DESPERATELY, and INDIRECTLY kill me too.

*shrugs* Seriously, I have no idea why is this happening to me. Especially when I LOVE FOOD. What the hell. And he just kept whining, and kept arguing with me. *Starts a drama scene* OH GOODNESS! WHAT HAVE I DONE?! *kneels down on the floor and stare at the ceiling*

I.Am.Dying.Tyvm.

`beautiful delusions_
7:11 PM


<body>

Stan - Eminem

SCHOOL'S STARTING TOMORROW!

Oh boy,this is a total disaster! Yes, pretty much a disaster! I'm so gonna miss my old clique! :( YES! We're all thrown to different classes, and I'm so gonna miss those good old times! Thankfully Ronelle is in the same class as me, so I won't feel so alone. LOL. *Screams* I have no idea, how the heck am I gonna get pass this entire semester without those crazy girls?! LOL. Uh wells, we shall see how things gonna turn out tomorrow..

Anyway, I've sounded my mom last night, and the response that I received was really scary. And I mean, REALLY FUCKING SCARY! *runs*

Me: mum, what if I wanna keep a pup? you know... i've always wanted a pup, and i think i'm old enough to keep one... *stares at mom sheepishly*
Mum: *stares fiercely and answer in a solemn tone* later i must clean the shit and pee if it shits or pees around the house. you think i don't have enough house chores to do is it?
Me: *desperately shows cute little yorkie photos* but don't you think this pup is like so darn cute?!
Mum: *replies in a fucking serious tone* you try bringing it home. i'll KICK IT OUT of the house.
Me: *gasp* WALAOS! SO SCARY LA PLEASE! okok.

And so you see, I CAN NEVER EVER keep a little pup in the house! :( Awww man! I'm only permitted to keep puffer-fish?! Oo" what the heck man. Oh wells..

As i wind the musical box,
it began playing a familiar melody..
So familiar that the melody hooked up lots of memories.
At least, they're pleasant ones..

`beautiful delusions_
4:30 PM


<body>
Sunday, April 19, 2009


I wanna get a cute little Maltese or a Yorkie. However, I can never get myself a cute little pup. My mum is afraid of dogs. Yes, even tiny ones scare her. LOL. Oh my gosh, but I want a little pup.

And oh, I wanna shave my hair. LOL. And I have yet to get my Lee Cooper's purple shoes. I want, I want, I want! So many wants. Ho ho ho.

It rained this morning, so the shoot was cancelled. I was down with fever as well. Thankfully it rained. Hehs. I'm off, to rest. Blog again tonight or something (:

Unspoken sense of insecurity.

`beautiful delusions_
5:55 PM


<body>
Friday, April 17, 2009

Hello earthlings, I'm here to blog WITH photos! (:


Before that, allow me to whine a little about my shag-ness. LOL. I'm feeling so ever dead beat, like seriously!

Let's start with Sunday. It was an enjoyable day out with buddies and their gfs, together with junior bel. LOL.

Had a game of L4D before meeting buddies. As usual, I was shouting "DIE! ZOMBIES, DIE!" Even Bel knows and could even memorise those simple phrase.

After L4D, met up with buddies for dinner at Sakae! (: Filling meal, and went to B&J's for ice-cream! (: Thanks buddy for the treat aye! Wheeee! (: Headed home after everything.

Moving on to Tuesday, met up with Vanny love, and Yinhui sweets, for some K-session. I think my singing level has gone down la please. LOL. However, it was fun screaming away, especially after the sinful chocolates and vodka. LOL.


Met up with Sayang for dinner at Shudoku's. Wheeee, their curry rice with pork cutlet is super awesome please! (: The curry was kinda sweet and I LOVE IT (:

Sayang's beef steak, and the curry rice I was mentioning about. Van and I had the same food, so I didn't take much photos (:


After the heavy meal, we went to the new mall opposite Bugis for some drinks, and chill out. wheeee...!



Sayang ordered beer and I had some chocolatey drink. WHeeee...!


Vanny love and me! (:


Okays, what I wanna say is, the toilet's wall is half made of glass/plastic. You can practically see through it, to the opposite building luhs. It's kinda scary, 'cuz no sense of security. LOL. After that, home sweet home.

On Wed, I went over to Ah J's place with friends. It was darn funny as before that, we were on L4D, again. LOL. And yes, I was the NOOB. hahahas. They were all "chiong-ing" one la please. I was the one who was always lost, and need to heal myself. LOL.

Slept at 9am on Thursday morning 'cuz I was up the entire night, watching shows on Ah J's lappy. Soon, one by one knocked out, leaving Ah J and me. LOL. We were watching show and bitching about people. wth. So evil.

Anyway, woke up around 3pm or so, and continue talking away. LOL. Had a dinner, and headed home (:

Been shag for sooo many days. I'm so tired. Like really. LOL.

ps. I saw this Lee cooper shoes, and I'm so gonna get them.
pps. I'm so gonna save and get my Levi's watch, SOON.

Till then, mates. loves (:

`beautiful delusions_
10:20 PM


<body>
Thursday, April 16, 2009

And so, once again I'm still up at such hour.

Oh noooooo! I think my dark rings are gonna be as dark as those of panda's. I'm serious. I have nothing to blog about, but I just feel like doing it, for the sake of it. LOL.

ps. I need to remind myself that I have to upload photos ASAP. Till then.. (:

`beautiful delusions_
7:33 AM


<body>
Wednesday, April 15, 2009


I will blog on a regular basis AFTER I've collected all the photos and arrange them in folders, in my lappy (: So do come back on Friday ('cuz by then I will be uploading this site). Meanwhile, may everyone have a wonderful week ahead (:

Lotsa misses & loves,
joanne (:

`beautiful delusions_
3:52 PM


<body>
Sunday, April 12, 2009

An exceptional post.

BABY, please remember to BREATHE k! =D Loves! see you when school reopens! =D

Finally, I'm going to kill some zombies. HAAHAHS. Love, its my turn to play already! HAHAHAS.

My dearies, please take good care of yourselves (: And till then...
Love always,
joanne (:

`beautiful delusions_
1:45 PM


<body>
Saturday, April 11, 2009

Insanity.

It's goodbye, for awhile.

`beautiful delusions_
3:35 PM


<body>
Friday, April 10, 2009

As my head spins.

Clubbed, danced, tipsy, home. My head is hurting, a little due to not having enough sleep. It's been this way for days. The insecurities, the fear, are all building up. I'm losing it soon. Damn.

I don't need people to judge me like they've known me for eons. It's being fucking shallow.

`beautiful delusions_
4:01 PM


<body>
Thursday, April 9, 2009

Oh sugar, the feeling's that is missing,
what is it all about?
Can we ever find what's lost?
Will things be like before?
Its more of like a facade.
Is this the way that things should end?
As we continue painting that beautiful masquerade that's filled with beautiful imperfections.

`beautiful delusions_
12:04 AM


<body>
Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Trust me, its my plaster.

Mom was laughing crazily when I told her that I fall, at home. =.=" My mom is very cute huhs, laughing at her own daughter. Oh, she even commented that my plaster is in blue, so its not very nice. She prefers it to be in purple or pink. Uhs... However she said she likes tweety, and I should not waste the plaster?! =.="

In any case, my wound is safely wrapped with plaster (: No worries my dearies (: And I'll try to be more careful, I promise. Moreover, I'm quite a klutz, so..it's pretty normal la huhs? lols (:

`beautiful delusions_
4:12 PM


<body>
Tuesday, April 7, 2009


And so, my knee bled.

The entire story behind this wound is dumb. I was walking to the fridge (in the kitchen), then I slipped,and rubbed my "already-peeled knee" against the floor. And TAH DAH, it starts to bleed. And yes, it hurts like crap.

*shakes head* I've no idea what's happening to me/my knee. TSK. NO LIKE.

`beautiful delusions_
11:45 PM


<body>
Monday, April 6, 2009

Mood: Pensive.
"No matter how much impurities the rain is able to wash away,
it will never be able to wash away the impressions & sins that I've created.
No, it's gonna stay,
no matter how much I've tried."

It rained again today, after I've got home from an outing with mom.

Nothing fruitful, just full of pain. Had cleaning, polishing, whitening, and what so or not. It hurts like crap but my teeth are all shiny and pearly-white now. Apart from the torture from the dental trip, my knees are suffering too. I guess I must have sleep-walked last night. I suffered severe peeling on both of my knees. They looked like I have fallen to the ground, and peeled due to abrasion. My knees hurt with every step that I take, and it sucks.

`beautiful delusions_
9:33 PM


<body>
Sunday, April 5, 2009

Waking up at 9 am is a rare thing for me to do on a Sunday. Awaken by the chirps of the birds outside my unit, I thought what was the happy chirping about when there's nothing for me to rejoice about. Despite the contradictory mood, I did not spoil the "chirping-mood" of those little feathers.

I took my chair and sat by the window for hours, observing the tiny-looking people below from my unit, and the activities that were ongoing then. Thousands of questions and memories were going through my mind. I do not need a good view of the ocean or forest as I will still be feeling pretty much indifferent, with so many things racing across my mind is enough to block any possible distractions.

As tiny as those people seemed, they were all rushing in groups: Be it laughter from family gathering, fighting amongst children, or rushing adults to the market to buy breakfast for their family. Soon, the sky turned grey and the adults were rushing their kids to hurry while the kids were still enjoying themselves in the midst of "chaos". I have no idea how to have the feelings written down, but, it was just mixed emotions- the panicky adults, and the playful but happy kids. Yes, it was a contrast. It'd made me wonder if the kids will still be this cheerful & playful even when it has started pouring, or will the adults still be as panicky, or worse, when it starts to pour..

I was trying to divert my thoughts elsewhere by observing other things. It's better off this way, for at least, it can take the pain away, for a while. I felt like a balloon that's about to explode, soon. Yes, it was a terrible feeling, ever since last night. So far, nothing has been able to stop the storm that has found its way to my little pumper. Yes, nothing. Not even candies/chocolates/cartoons can do the mending..

It started to drizzle around noon, and my vision was even more blurred than ever.. I never thought that losing you, would hurt so much. I never thought that not having you around, will make me feel so incomplete. It's gonna be a final goodbye, for a long time. So long that I know, even when I'm facing the downs in my life, you won't be around anymore. You promised that you'll continue watching me from afar, except that you'll be beyond my reach this time round, just like "hidden angel".

I'm sorry for the things and rides that I put you through.
I'm thankful for all the times that you stood by me,
and holding on to your promises.
I have no idea to be angry with you for the stupid things you've done,
or to feel otherwise.
Since you've made the move back then,
you know that this day will come.
In any case, I'll hold on to the promises that I made to you.
Come back soon, for me, okay?
I've never once given up on you,
and you can't make me.
Yours, truly,
Little girl.
xoxos.

`beautiful delusions_
3:47 PM


<body>
Saturday, April 4, 2009

Some things, never change.

On this very humid Saturday afternoon, it's quite a surprise that I'm actually home. I'm still feeling very sleepy and lazy, as usual (after clubbing). Prolly I need to exercise more, so that I don't get tired easily huhs? (: Oh wells... Just a super random post.. And oh, people, do check your aircon frequently (the one outside your unit). Mine has a hole/nest built by those little sparrows =\ OMG. What's becoming of this house man?! First was the ants, followed by lizards (*SCREAMS), and now, birds. All under one roof: cramp.

I've never once feel that life is unfair 'cuz you're always around to make my life worthy. Yes,worthy, even when I'm facing all the different kinds of shits in my life; even when I've given up on myself. You'll always be around, and I think, in a way, it has become a habit, and a form of reliance. I don't have to hide, I don't have to pretend. I can be me- the very naive little girl. I don't have to be on guard against you. I don't have to worry a single thing 'cuz you'll do the worrying and solving for me. The bond between us is more than just "normal friends" after what we've been through. It's been awhile, and I realised that things are pretty much back to square one- the way things used to be years ago.. With this, I just wanna add on, I do cherish/treasure you, as always.

Flashbacks.
While everything was running through my mind like broken episodes of drama, I clasp the matching puzzle tightly in my hands. I prayed hard that you won't be taken away, from me. Call that selfishness or self-interest, I just have no wish to watch you leave, not in that manner, at least.. Almost every single thing reminds me of you.. Yes sugar, its that unforgettable..

`beautiful delusions_
4:58 PM


<body>
Friday, April 3, 2009

Alright, my legs are aching, my back is aching, my head has 1 big boo boo too. Reason : clubbing, what else..

To start it off, I met up with Zave at Tanjong Pagar station, after a long time. We were waiting for AL babe and her friends, and whilst waiting, we took a photo. Just nice, after this shot, AL appeared! HAHAHAS.


Went off to Maxwell to look for Angeline babe and the rest (: Wells, they were already drinking at the hawker center please. So early! Anyway, met a few new friends, inclusive of MIKO (she's from m'sia, and she was around for 2 days only), who was pretty much all over the club that night. LOL.

Alright, I shall not emphasize much on the details, 'cuz everyone was pretty much all over the place, and I was pretty lost, walking here and there. I realised that whenever I go club, I will be walking around the place, looking for people. Danced, drank, danced, walked around, saying "hi" and "byes" , high/tipsy, and basically that's all. I was pretty much a good girl last night, as promised (:

And oh, I so have to mention about this "accident" that caused 1 big boo boo on the left of my eyebrow area. It hurts like CRAP. Okays, my friend was so drunk, and we were queuing up for the toilet. She was so drunk/wasted that she couldn't even stand properly. wth.

Anyways, I went into the cubicle first, and I thought she needed the toilet urgently. In the midst of rushing to open the door, the damn door hit my head HARD. fuck.

I thought that was the end of the whole "suay-ness." Little did I know, someone untied my vest and my ribbon has something white on it!? I WAS LIKE "WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?!" I was completely grossed out. And so, I have to wash my ribbon at the basin, and people thought that i pee-d on my ribbon or something. CRAP. And when I asked my friend is she needed the loo, her answer was a "NO." Great, and I got pulled to the dance floor by 2 friends. Oh my gosh.

Moving on to the second hit. I was dancing with my friend, and she was like pulling my head towards hers (she was drunk too, and I think most of my friends love pulling my head towards theirs. I think my head looks like a mushroom, and they're hungry), and "PIAK" my head knocked on hers. Trust me, it was the exact same spot that the damn door hit. Thus, the BIG, GREENISH & PURPLE-ISH boo boo near my eyebrow area. =.="

Anyway, it was quite a chaotic night. In any case, thanks to Charlie pal for looking after me, and accompanied me walk around, looking for dearie (: That was all-Mac, and home, changed, zonk-ed.

Here're some random photos which I always forget to upload.HEH.


Ants' nest. Yes, kill, kill, kill! Exterminate. Died. hehs!


A photo of best and me, 2 weeks ago. HAHAS. Meet up soon ehs, best and gf (:

To spoil everyone's appetite, TAH DAH, MY FACE. hahahahas! Act cute, I know. Stop harping on the fact that I'm not that cute ok. Shhhh... (:

Got this from an e-mail. Really funny. HAHAS. Oh wells, I must say, its pretty much real in the sense that some people will demand things from their ex-partners after a break-off.

BTW, my mum is still very insistent that I get a DECENT BOYFRIEND soon. She's so fucking worried 'cuz I mix around too much with gay people. *shrugs* What to do, I'm pretty much gay in a way or another also what =.=" And she thought I smoked last night due to the cigarette smell all over my clothes. LOL. I SWEAR I DIDN'T last night! OMG.

Alright, that's all. I'm gonna stay home this weekend, and rest (: May everyone enjoy their weekends! Toodles.

Due to insecurities.

`beautiful delusions_
6:12 PM


<body>
Thursday, April 2, 2009

Unspoken promise.

I promise, I will be good.
I promise, I will be strong..
even when you're not around, anymore..

`beautiful delusions_
3:28 PM


<body>
Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Will do proper blogging soon (:

prolly before tomorrow i hope. Hahahas. sorry folks (: been a little too busy with chores. hahas. anyway, HAPPY APRIL'S FOOL (:

xoxo.

`beautiful delusions_
5:41 PM


<body>
Saturday's outing with Diane love (:



Wells, I shall skip on the little details and let the photos do the talking instead. Ok, I'm lazy. LOL.


first stop: DOME.

it was an awesome place to chill out, catch up with friends (: uhs, the smoothies were nice though. should try that place if you have a chance to do so! (:



we were waiting for time to pass before going in for our buffet! (:



next stop: Sakae

Uhs,the photos are not in sequence! hahahas. so do bear with it! (:





the strawberry smiles. by the time i reached home, it melted in my bag. i thought it was SOLID & REAL strawberries. tmd.
Anyway,after that, the next stop was Xin Wang Cafe at white sands. woots.
Mine & hers (:
Alrighty,due to laziness, i will let the photos do the narrations.

Random photos speaks, due to excessive bloated-ness:





At Xin Wang's.




5 years, and still counting on (:

`beautiful delusions_
5:02 PM


JOANNE __;
Photobucket
leo/horse `
very random and unpredictable (prolly weird) `

[loves lub] *
family `
loved ones `
everyone `


[wish] *
# family happy n peaceful n healthy (:
# everyone around me to be happy

# get a class 3 license
# Better job!


.Voices within.




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