Here i am, with no idea what i wanna blog about.
Just have the urge to whine, have the urge to rant, have the urge to explode. yet, what the hella do i wanna whine/rant about? what's there that cause the explosion? like seriously, nothing. i don't know man. its like pretty much dazed for me. i have to wake up at 6am tomorrow morning for work, and to be honest, I'm kinda excited. 'cuz at least, its something new for me to do during this boring hols.
i don't know why, but i do feel empty. its like, i've done what i wanna do : ink myself, satisfy my any food cravings, shopping, partying, have some time for myself, and to catch up with a few of my friends. its like, every thing's done! i ought to feel energized, satisfied, and happy. uhs, but i don't feel that way. like seriously, its like, even if i were to go ink myself again, the feeling will be like "oh, ink what ehs?" the excitement is not there anymore. indeed, my life is now pretty much boring luhs.
even my mom's been nagging at me, everyday, without fail. reason? the people i mixed with, me partying too much, not having a part time job, bum around the house, acting so redundant. *pulls hair* i need a get-away. all of a sudden, i don't feel like partying anymore. its like, been partying like nobody's business. spent money on booze, get high, dance, make out, dance, and plonk to bed. its like no life. =\ i don't feel like socializing, i don't feel like talking- something like isolation.
*shrugs* i think this entry is gonna be darn fucking long as i have a lot of stuffs up there, in my tiny brain. i mean, i don't know, but i do think a hell lot at times. like seriously, alot, and to the extend that people cant stand it and will just say "stop thinking la." wells, i wish there is one such switch as well that can switch off my brain or something.
*rolls around* i think I'm like some worm. bum around the house, walk the same old malls, chill out at the same old place, do the same old things-eat/watch movies/shop, party, get high/tipsy. i mean its like what the hell. seriously. all i do is to spend money?! =.=" okie, i spend my own money 'cuz i work before hols, and i did save up before hols as well. ok, at least i do feel heart pain if i were to spend too much la (which is good i guess. 'cuz I'm like feeling so fucking numb). ehs, i don't know lehs, its like, no goals, no idea, just pass the day like this. uhs..here's one of the most awkward conversation i had, this week.
neighbour : oh girl, now you're in poly year 3 already ehs?
me : huhs, ya, i will be, when school reopens.
neighbour : oh, now holidays, never go work?
me : *quite paiseh* uhs..never (:
neighbour : oh, then everyday what you do?
me : uhs... *stares at the floor* don't know. sometimes go out, sometimes stay home lo? *sheepish smile*
neighbour : oh, heard from your mom that you've been going out till late nights ehs. haiyohs, as a girl, don't always go out till so late, dangerous lehs.
me : huhs? *blank face* orhs.
neighbour : then what do you intend to do after you graduate?
me : uhs, don't know, work, i guess.
neighbour : *shocked* huhs?! you don't wanna study uni mehs?! now economy not good, have a degree is better, can secure your rice bowl ehs.
me : uhs... *nods* true la, but i don't feel like studying. *force a smile*
neighbour : haiyohs! when you work, then you'll feel like studying...
at this point of time, my ears were already shut off. its like that auntie's voice got softer and i didn't concentrate anymore..my mind drifted elsewhere. i didn't feel like continuing the conversation!
neighbour : haiyohs, consider properly la, if you wanna further your studies or not. competition very strong outside these days.
me : *nods* orh, i will think things through properly. *forces a smile*
neighbour : k la, i got to go already. bye!
me : *trying to hide my happy expression* bye auntie.
and indeed, i do feel like I'm wasting everyday away. i need a proper get-away. i want the sea, i want the sky, i want the breeze, i want the relaxation. i'm gonna check out resorts, in Singapore. (apparently, my parents are still deciding about the trip overseas. i guess by the time they make up their minds, i'm already back to school, facing the books and lecturers.)