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2011-12-15T01:06:00.003+08:00

I've been procrastinating for really long. I'm just afraid of revealing my weakness for others to make use of, against me.

Meanwhile I shall focus on my final year 2 project.. Till then, xoxo.

2011-12-07T18:04:00.002+08:00

I've been thinking of closing this chapter of my life. I've been thinking of revealing all the darkest secrets that I've been keeping. And I shall do them soon, for its another closure of another chapter in my life; it's another turning point which made me work even harder for what I believe in.

Guitar's destroyed, and although a part of me was gone with the damage, mum told me that it is alright as I don't really play it often. I wrote on the guitar before discarding it away, remembering the times it brought me through..

I'm thinking of clearing my storeroom with mom, or the wardrobe. I thought of making use of the cloth from the old clothes to sew them into a little pouch, to put my pad/name cards. I'm thinking of clearing my room as well. I shall see..

2011-12-06T19:03:00.000+08:00

"Don't worry about what people say behind your back, they are the people who are finding faults in your life instead of fixing the faults in their own life."

2011-12-05T14:25:00.002+08:00

People will remember your goodness only when you're dead, and they'll always remember your mistakes as long as you're still alive.

2011-12-01T00:53:00.002+08:00

I'm done with my project, and so I shall go and sleep now. Tomorrow's another day before working over the weekends again. Can't wait for weekends. Weekends = time with boyf, and fashion show event. SEXCITED. I shall update this space with another literature when I feel like it again. Meoooowwwwwzxz.

2011-11-30T22:28:00.000+08:00

Dieeeeeeeeeeee. I'm stuck with my PCA, why like that?! :<

2011-11-23T15:47:00.007+08:00

There she was, sitting and holding on tightly to him. She felt his tears soaking her skin bit by bit, layers by layers into her skin. She felt his body tremble as he was tearing silently, almost like a whimper from a puppy. She was at a loss, and all she did was to apologize to him, murmuring "I'm so sorry" in his ears constantly. It all happened too fast for her to react, but all she know was that she has hurt him, not only physically but emotionally as well. Her heart started wrenching as though someone was squeezing it so tightly, and that she couldn't breathe. Tears began streaming down her cheeks, vivid memories fill her mind..

"What the hell?! You were damn free is it? There I was slogging my guts out, and you had the mood to go kbox?!"
"What're you angry about this time? Was I wrong to even go out with my friends? Do you know that you're getting more and more petty?!"
"What?! There I was working like a dog, and all you said was that you were tired, then end up you wanna head out?!"
"So what if you worked till 5am in the morning?! You.."
"SO WHAT IF I WORKED TILL 5am in the morning?! Why the fuck am I working so hard for?! Waiting for you to feed me and support me is it?! You can't even support yourself!"
"Oh, so now I'm the one who's suppose to support you and not your own mom?!"
"Ya la, I worked so hard for NOTHING. I worked like a dog with merely 3hours of sleep every night for what?!!! You tell..."
"Can you just listen to.."
"You don't fucking break my sentence whilst I was telling you about how I'm feeling! You don't fucking pin me down like a dog! I'm not your dog!!!"

Silence stepped in and a tussle broke loose. In her memory recollection, he was trying to pin her down. She retaliated by grabbing onto his arms with her nails, trying to break free. They were glaring straight into each others' eyes, as though they were strangers picking a fight with one another. He then throw himself towards her, hopping that she would embrace him instead of continuing the argument. She was at a loss.

How did things turn out this way? How did the argument get so ugly, that it simply blocked out the love that both of them share? His tears brought her own self back, his tears seemed to extinguish the burning anger within her. At this point, she knew, things have gotten out of hand and that her demonic emotions have once ruled her whole.

She was holding him tight in her bosom, stroking his head gently, telling him how sorry she was. He refused to look up, all he did was to hold onto her tightly, with his silent whimpers. Thoughts were filling up her mind. Insecurities have once took control of her.

"When your guy is not by your side, he's no longer yours to hold. He has legs, he can run away. He has hands, he can hold another whilst you weren't around."
"Shut up! Stop it, you've done enough damage...... You've, done enough damage."
"Isn't that the fact? Look at your perfect. Wasn't that the case? Whilst you were asleep in the wee hours, she'd sneak out to meet her ex gf or another girls. Nobody'll be that faithful, EVER. Stop being so naive."
"STOP. He's different from her! He loves me. Stop forcing these insecurities into me. STOP."

It was another endless battle within her. She has hurt him so bad. Half-filled with sympathy for the hurt she has caused, half-filled with the heart-felt pain she has inflicted into him, she sobs uncontrollably. She began blaming herself, and she knew from the start that it wasn't a big issue to be so angry about. She just couldn't control her emotions, once more.

Staring at her lover who was wrapping himself around her, with tears slowly penetrating her clothes to her skin, she felt so lost, and so filled with anguish. This boy here, is her lover, someone whom she loves so much, yet she made him cry. Just what have she done, to hurt the one she loves so much, so badly. He looked so torn, so hurt, and so frightened..

She was so afraid that one day she might drive him up the wall, and drive him crazy as well. She was so afraid that he might not be able to take the emotional pressure from her. She was so afraid of hurting him so badly once more. She felt so guilty for putting him through this emotional abuse, because of her illness.

Once the whimpering and sobbing stopped, she placed her head on his chest. He was stroking her head gently, like how she did to him when he had his tears moisturizing her skin. She began tearing uncontrollably once again. In between sobs, she kept apologizing him, for putting him through this pain that he doesn't deserve.

Many times she tried controlling her emotions, but like demons, they lured her self-conscious away, finding their way into her, and took full control. He kept telling her it's alright, and continued brushing her hair gently, wiping away her tears.

She knew, it's not the end of the cycle if she doesn't get strong enough to fight against herself...

2011-11-22T00:05:00.002+08:00

I sat in front of my laptop, wondering why is it running so slowly; wondering how long will it take to upload all the photos on facebook; wondering if I should send this antique for repair as it's fan is spoilt.

Music is playing in the background, from the laptop, and my mind's elsewhere. Sometimes, on nights like this, I like to do a little bit of reflection- thinking about what have been happening, about the choices I've made in my life so far, and things like that.

So far, I kinda have livid memories about what had happened. So far, I'm still contented, still happy with the way things are even though at times things just fucked up. In fact, things just screw me up inside out several times, but I'm glad I'm still cool. Uh wells, shall do a literature essay when I feel like it. For now, I just wanna chill to alternatives and ice water.

XOXO

2011-10-31T14:49:00.004+08:00

Wanted to blog so much, but then, it's time to do some cleaning around the dusty room..

Nobody's perfect,but knowing that you're just an alternative brings down all your self-esteem, and what so or not. Someday I'll meet someone who loves me for who I'm, and who places me as his priority instead of an alternative. And I know I can never be that kinda gentle and soft spoken girl, with simply no attitudes. Uh...

2011-10-30T00:15:00.002+08:00

How much do you know? How much do you wanna know? How much of the facts are you willing to accept? Not knowing is better, or to know it all?

Yeah, we're going down; feed me the faith that I ever need.

2011-10-22T13:56:00.002+08:00

I had so much to write about. I even drafted the post in my head previously. Now, I'm at a lost. I think the words have vanished somewhere along with the thoughts...

"The hardest person whom I've to convince is not my parents, not my boyfriend, not my friends, not my colleagues, not my school mates, not any stranger. It's myself." - Me

2011-10-20T23:45:00.003+08:00

Well oh well, at this hour, I'm supposed to be studying for my upcoming papers, which will be on this Sunday. Although it's an open-book examination, it certainly did add on a certain of stress into me.

I've been to interviews recently, looking for a part time job. Well, expenses are getting higher, and in fact, I think they're higher when I'm attached (or sort of). I've no idea where I'm spending my money. I guess it's the occasional pampering which I'll tend to shower upon myself whenever there're a few extra dollars. There, it resulted in lesser savings. Well, I don't know man.

Tonight, I'm feeling a little stressed, over nothing. Probably it's the same kinda emptiness that envelops me, and filling my colourful night with darkness. I guess the time of the month is coming. I just don't like this kinda emptiness, together with a tinge of security. This is the time whereby I dislike being a girl. Yes, I just said that, disregarding all the other privileges that I've for being a girl (like I'm allowed to throw tantrums, step on people and apologize with my brightest smile, etc). However, at times I dislike being me. You see, I'm always so insecure, and so paranoid over little things.. There're many things which I do not understand, about how guys do their things, and stuffs. When I do not understand, I feel insecure. I get paranoid when I find out things which does not tally with whatever info I've received.

I'm feeling outta sorts tonight, and at this very moment. I think I need to rant, over a shot.

p.s I love neighbour for being one of the few men who understand me (:
p.p.s I still think it's the time of the month that's coming. Thus my utmost mood-swings and random rants.
p.p.p.s I still enjoy being a girl though (so many privileges come with it. LOL.)

2011-10-17T17:26:00.001+08:00

I should be studying.. Uh wells... Distractions. Blah. I just kept thinking about the things I'm gonna do when I'm done with exams... WOOTS.

2011-10-15T16:04:00.002+08:00

It's been close to a month since the trip. There were so many things going on after the trip- arguments, accusations, scoldings, bitchings. After many days and nights of reflections, thoughts, and so on, I've decided to write down this post.

First of all, I would like to clarify 2 things. Not sure if Domo (my ex gf) will chance upon this post, but I just feel the need to. I'm not someone who will stand by and watch someone accusing me. Back to the point, I did not mention anything about Domo's friend touching me during the trip. Look, I know my figures. If I've a voluptuous figure with big boobs, maybe the touching might have some justice to it but the thing I don't. So why should the friend touch me if she's in her right state of mind? Supporting my above point with another point, the both of them are friends, so why should I say such things like that to Domo? For them to argue and fall out during the trip? For them to kill each other so I have to make a report and bring their corpses back? No reason, isn't it? Conclusion of issue 1: I DID NOT say that Domo's friend touched my boobs.

Now, there's another issue. Domo was accusing me of saying how fucked up she was during the trip. Check out my previous posts, did I legitimately mention anything? All I ever mentioned was how much I miss home, how much I miss my family, friends, and boyf. Was I wrong to blog about such things in the first place? Was I wrong to feel so lonely in the hotel room, when I was sick? Was I wrong in the above mentioned scenarios? I strongly believe I'm not in the wrong. Conclusion for point 2: I DID NOT mention how fucked up she was, unless she had to feel that way, I can't help it isn't it?

Now, there's another issue- I'm a slut/whore/bitch. Okay, I've no rights to comment on Domo's personal opinion of me, but I've the rights to clarify it. I may used to be a slut/whore/bitch, but trust me, nobody has ever called me that. Well, probably my mom, when she found out that I was together with Domo. You know, parents and their conservative thinking about lesbianism. So, I was a slut when I was together with Domo. Now, I'm no longer with Domo, Domo herself thinks I'm a slut? What? I'm confused. I did not sleep around. Did I mention that I kinda love myself a little more after leaving Domo? Yeah, I've learnt to love myself a little more. So it's definitely outta the point that I've been sleeping around. If so, I think I might not be able to close my legs. LOL.

And now, Domo was accusing me for being the cause of her plight/new life. She's determined to fool around, and go around breaking people's hearts. Say, I don't know what else to say. She's forever breaking people's hearts even when she's not a player. So, what difference does it make? No difference. And why am I the cause for it? Did I happen to teach her to be one? Did I happen to expose her to alcohol and girls? Did I happen to get her indulged in those night clubs? I certainly did not. It's all her own decision, isn't it? If it's because she thought I'm a slut, and that there's no more true love, and that she should go around breaking people's hearts to get even, I don't see the link here. Honestly, what is she gonna get outta this? Nothing. What does she has to lose? Everything. So there, my point.

Last but not least, I should be honoured 'cuz its her first time hating someone to this extend, and I'm the one. WOW. I seriously have no idea what have I done to be on her hate list. Her ex gf (let's call her parrot), and her ex date (let's call her star girl) are both horrible to her. I mean, look, they've hurt Domo so bad, but Domo is always there for them. Yeah, to the extend of neglecting me when we were both still together. So what exactly have I done to be the champion of the "hate list." Can someone enlighten me? Does the list works in such a way that "oh, you're treating me better than anyone else has ever does, so I hate you. Those who treated me like shit, are my gems." Is that how it works, seriously?

Nonetheless, it's like an omen. Yeah, the stars ink are fading away after so many years, and yeah, at this point of time! In any case, the stars don't belong to me in the first place anyway for Domo likes stars because of star girl, and down the chain effect, it's me. I inked it 'cuz Domo likes it. It's fate I guess, it has all been planned... Uh wells... I've met my karma, and that's Domo. Ups and downs, and all the emotional rides...

xoxo

2011-09-27T16:32:00.003+08:00

I feel that I'm doing the right thing after all. This is the only way, to your own future. A better one at that. So, for that to happen, I just have to be a bitch isn't it?

I loved her, and I want her to be happy. There's no way I wanna be a burden for her, all her life. She likes her, but she was holding back, for she thought, I'm still the one in her life. She told me, she likes her, but she didn't dare to go for it. So with that, I shall take matters in my own hands..

XO.

2011-09-25T05:23:00.003+08:00

Left with a couple more of hours, I'll be back in Singapore, and I seriously can't wait! Surprised? Each time I travel overseas, I'd hope that I could stay a little longer, but not this time round.

This trip, was a little longer than the previous, and yes, probably an eye opener for me. The ah-gogo bars, the other bars with bar-top dancing, the striping, and not forgetting the erotic performances that "mamas" did with their temple of love. Every night was about intoxicating myself, and with girls hugging me and kissing me all over. Alright, guys, you might be picturing the scenes with envy now..

For me, it was fun, but spending every night like this, and the day in the hotel room feeling a little queasy from the previous night's fun, is not comforting at all. I miss the beach, I miss my friends from Patong beach, and I miss the night market. The only day that I spent outdoors is for the shopping of souvenirs. Trust me, that day out wasn't even that long after all. I miss the seafood, and I miss the outdoors in the day. I miss everything from the previous trip :(

For me, time is passing way too slowly now. The most comforting thing for me will be seeing the silver lining, and telling me "It's time to go home." If that were to happen now, I'd pop the fire crackers and celebrate the moment like it was some sacred festival here.

I'm missing so many things, that I can literally cry and wrap myself in the blanket, till nobody is able to find me. I miss home, I miss my parents, I miss my boyfriend, and not missing out, I miss traveling with my girlfriends. I miss shopping and exploring the island with them; I miss the nights we'd spend in the hotel room, chilling out before heading to party; I miss eating from the roadside stalls with them. Then I miss my parents, and how they'd fuss over me if I were to fall sick (I'm down with fever, and never in my life was I ever sick whilst traveling) ; I miss the presence of my parents, and communicating with them; I miss my bed, and my cat. I miss boyfriend too. I miss how he'd tuck me to bed; I miss how he'd cook for me when I requested; I miss how he'd look after me when I'm not well too.

Being sick, and alone all night in the hotel room is so not fun. Every second is like a form of mockery from loneliness.. I seriously can't wait to get back to Singapore this instant. I just wanna be embraced by "home."

2011-09-23T22:49:00.003+08:00

Well, second last night in Phuket. This is my second time here, but this time round, everything is so different!

Well, on the first night, I went to the ah-gogo bars. Trust me, I was stunned, amazed, and amused! Well, the ping-pong, the flower garland, the dart-shooting, the you know, fishes and bird coming out from the pussy?! It was like WOW-ed. Then there we went, to another ah-gogo bar, with real titties and pussies flashing at you like it's totally normal there! Surprising, and yeah, it was another WOW.

And so, on the second night, the girls decided to be a little more adventurous. We went to the.. Lady-boys bar! Well, they certainly have the figures, and yes, the entertainment level was kinda high especially when you see them flashing their undies at you to prove that they've pussies. Imagine them doing that on a little podium, and each podiums are like a few tables away. You just have to keep turning your heads to check out the different ladies who'll get on and off the podium. LOL. Well, they only attack guys, and yeah, the experience wasn't as terrifying as I thought it might be (:

On the same night, we went to some bar, with bar-top dancing. Well, that was one helluva bar that got us. We spent a thousand or 2 in that bar alone. How crazy can that be?! I mean, its like woah woah woah! We had shots, after shots, and drinks, after drinks. Well, the people there are friendly, and engage you in their activities. I guess the motto of the club is "Get our customers drunk, and make them happy." Indeed, we were all happy that night....

And so last night, we went to the ah-gogo bar again, sat for awhile, and we back to the bar from second night's. We were there, drinking, chatting, and playing as usual. Guess how much did we spend? 5000+ bhat! Ridiculous please... Well, I bet they were happy last night. LOL.

So far, that's about it. Tonight, is another night. Let's see, where will our guts bring us to tonight.. We shall see, and till then! :D

2011-09-15T04:05:00.006+08:00

Over at 4am.

Right now, I'm supposed to be asleep, supposed to be lying on my bed like some dead log. Yet, I'm not. Here I'm, typing away on my laptop discreetly..

I was at the scene, and was probably shaking shake shake. I drank till I felt so bloated and disgusted by the whiff of smell of alcohol. Amazingly I was sober, and I was staring hard at people who stared at me. Tonight is the night that I've to vehemently admit that age is my nemesis. I'm no longer part of the catch; I'm no longer the cup of tea of the crowd. I've lost my position of the dancing diva, I've lost my position, in the limelight. This is nothing biggie to mourn about, as a matter of factly. I know, I'll eventually age, and that I'll not be part of the trendies. All these just didn't dawn on me. It makes me feel insecure, being me.

This is probably when I feel insecure about losing people who loves me. I'm afraid of losing out, and that they might stop loving me all because my market value is no longer as high. I suppose this is when insecurities started to envelop me. *Shrugs* Am I losing all my charisma just because I'm aging? This is one helluva frightening thought. Will I start losing the people around me...?

Back to the drinking part, I'm proud of myself that I was probably the most sober one there. Disadvantage : You get elbowed, stepped on, and chinned by the high/drunk people with big actions. It's annoying because I end up with bruises even though I wasn't swaying around?! WTF. Yes, I can't go around scolding them 'cuz this is how it is, plus they weren't sober enough to think logically. So yeah, all I can do was "FML."

In any case, some songs that made me wanna cry without fail: Boomerang, and DJ got us fallin' in love again. Damn, I still have the soft spots for these songs. Not because I'm still living in the past, but 'cuz there wasn't any closure. Without closure, a part of me will tend to linger in the past (to and fro). I'll tend to wonder, but nothing more. Uh wells..... Forget it, now I'm swaying. LMAO. I'm too sleepy. Till then, nights.

Don't stop loving me b'cuz nobody wants me, alright? Don't stop cherishing me b'cuz I'm unwanted by others, alright?

2011-09-13T22:45:00.002+08:00

The apology, substituted with macaroons.

I guess that is how it's like in a relationship. The relationship gets older as time slips away with every passing second. As the relationship matures, we tend to fumble onto more unhappiness/dissatisfaction. We get more impatient with one another along the way I suppose.

When we slowly became a part of each others' lives, we get used to having each other around. I suppose this bonding period will eventually result in "taking one another for granted". I've been through these familiar phases, and so, I ought to be pretty much immune to them. However, that's not the case. Instead, I became really paranoid. I flare at the slightest thing, scolding the poor boy till he became really speechless. I must say, when I flare, I can turn the illogical into facts, and make you believe in them.

In any case, boy was really nice. He got me some sweet treats to make it up to his negligence. Yes, weeks ago, he was complaining that I didn't have time for him. Yet, weeks later, he began neglecting meeeeeeeee! And so, to make it to me, he got me these little sweet treats! :D

He got the safest combi - chocolate & strawberry! (:

Tasty-looking? Well, they sure are! :D I love these little macaroons! They're really delicious. Yummyyyyyy...! :D

Alright, till I'm in the mood to blog more then. Pen's out (no, not pant's out .__.)!

2011-08-31T00:44:00.004+08:00

It's been awhile since I'm here. I mean, seriously, it's been eons I assumed. Life has been fine, and yeah, lotsa changes, lotsa shits. Damn, I've certainly been through them but in life, you've to go through them more than once, even if they're the same shits.

Well, been through some shits, and yes, my ex-gf came and help me with my life all over again. Yes, ex-gf. Well, not many people can accept this, so I didn't really tell this to any of my dates. And yeah, all these while, I never had a good image. I mean, with all those additional inks now and there, all the partying, and all the alcohol binging. So yeah, most guys whom I've known and dated are pretty much from the scenes. Normally what do those guys wanna do? Well, they just want someone to fill up the empty space inside them or probably sex.

Since the disaster in my own life last year, I've been dating. Yeah, dating here and there, trying to find someone who's suitable. Someone whom I'll be able to entrust my little heart to. Well, a few of them did make it to the criteria, but, they didn't give me a proper status so it was just dating with no official commitment. Ok, I'm a girl, so to me, it's friggin' important even though I was a party animal. Look, I may be a party animal, but I'm not some whore so yeah, you get the drift.

Well, so all along, I was often seen with different guys, but with no official status. *shrugs* People might probably think I'm some escort, party escort to be exact. But as far as I know, that wasn't the case. So...... Today, things begin to change. Well...

Someone whom I've been dating, for a month plus, 2, decided to give me a status. Seriously, I was probably so touched that I could nearly cry. Now you know how much this status thing means to me. Anyway, the first female instincts is to drill him about it, like why, and how many girls did he date after I rejected him last year (it was a long story. if I feel like it, I'll tell), etc.

Let's just put things this way, I felt safe 'cuz I'm smarter than him. Whatever he does, I know what the hell was going on. For example, we saw his ex date that day at downtown east, and they exchanged glances and smiles.

Me: Is she your friend?
He: Oh yeah, she is. From my sec school.
Me: *gives the suspicious stare* Is she your ex gf or something?
He: *surprise look* HUH?! No la b... Why ask?
Me: *stares harder*
He: B, don't look at me like that. Your eyes very big. Why you suddenly ask?
Me: Tell me the truth. She was your somebody before right?
He: Yes, B... BUT HOW'D YOU KNOW?!

Am I smart or what. Ok, some of you might think that its a girl's thing. They get suspicious and will try to test out their partners by making assumptions so that their partner might think "OMG, she knows it. Should I risk telling a lie, or risk telling the truth?!" Well, no, that wasn't for my case. Call it the females' instincts thing. So yeah, he can't lie to me 'cuz I can tell. So, I feel pretty safe with that.

Well, I don't know man. He accepted my past, and he's cool with me hanging out with my ex-gf. He's been really patient with me. I gave him hell at times b'cuz I'm like a land mime - I explode right at you and send you straight to hell if you were to step on me. Well, driving me around at 3am, finding BBQ chicken wings wasn't easy. Especially when you felt your eyes closing anytime soon, but he did that.

At times, I got really pissed at him for being so insensitive and sloppy, and inattentive. But I guess it's just a guy's thing. They try to be more sensitive, but girls will always think that they're not being meticulous enough and so on. Uh wells, my brain, heart and soul is not really here at the moment. I'm just deciding if he's worth it - me announcing my commitment to this relationship, and forgoing all other potentials (suitors).

He said, he's ready to commit and he wants this to work. I'm so not sure man. Ok, I'm elated to know that, wow, someone is so willing to go the extra mile for me, and wanna start something with me, officially. It's like, he's also forgoing his chances of hooking up other chicks (who might be hotter and cuter than I'm!). So it's like, mutual commitment.. Ughs, I'm sleepy.

Am I ready for it? To just jump into this, and not leaving myself any back-up plans. Am I really? Ready for this leap? Am I really willing to give it all....?

This silly boy makes me smile, and at times, shorten my life span by prolly 5years or more.. Well, am I willing to shorten my life span by prolly 50yrs 'cuz of him? Hmmms.... The next official r/s in like, close to 2 years? I must be insane..

2010-11-13T18:20:00.001+08:00

And so I laugh out loud, LITERALLY.
Me: Laugh die me.
Casper Bro: Smile love you.

WOAHS. SWEET LOH :D

Tumblr soon. Till then, toodles! :D

2010-11-13T18:09:00.002+08:00

Thank you for all the times you stood by.
I just wanna say, I hope that someday you'll find a girl, who'll write love in a book with never ending pages, with you (:
I'm sorry, ah b.

2010-11-08T22:00:00.003+08:00

Close to 1am, your long text came in. You said I'm no longer yours, I'm someone else's to hold. You said you'd still be around like how you used to. You mentioned about promises. Oh boy, you seriously have no idea. Promises, and how things were.... We broke them when we part with broken hearts.

About 9 months ago, we decided that it ain't gonna work...
I have no idea what exactly went wrong at that point of time. The way we started wrongly I guess. Way too many insecurities, way too many times, way too many pain. No doubt, after all the crap, you were nice. You put up with me, despite my bad temper, and unreasonable attitude. At that point of time, I kinda hated you, for making me go through all those, for going through all the shits. And so, I was very horrible towards you. Looking back, I have no idea how'd I become that kinda girl. lols. Like seriously man..

Anyway, thanks (: Just take care, and yeaps, all the best..

p.s I was all yours to hold, but somehow along the way you decided to leave me behind for your previous. I've stopped hating us for that, yes, us. I'm also sorry for all the misery I put you through. Nonetheless you'll always be someone special in a way or another (:

Will you toss me in the trash someday when I'm no longer your favourite toy?

2010-11-06T18:48:00.002+08:00

It's been a long while since I blogged, and I guess, most of the times if I were to blog, it's mainly about clarifying things and stuffs. Awww... Yes, I feel the need to stand up for myself.

No doubt, I was busy recently, that I do not have time for other things/ other people whom I think are not exactly worth keeping. Say, you can go on ranting about me, and how disappointed you're, and all I can say is I'm sorry. I keep those who're worth it with me, safe and sound. There're people whom I've been close to for years, and I like them around in my life. They were there in my life, be it my happiest times, or my darkest, they're always around. That, is what I call friends. They didn't try to change me, and be jealous about my happiness. They felt happy for me, and were there for me to share my joy.

In any case, go ahead and wallow in self pity, thinking how sad your life is. I did try to make it better in the first time, and then it was taken for granted. Obviously, that's when I stopped trying to make your life better. Yes, I do not need your sad life to make my life even more miserable (because you never listen to me! I advice you this and that, you never listen! Waste my saliva only). Ok, so that's it. Period. No more little miss goody 2 shoes all the time.

In any case, my life is still alright, just the way it is. Received a text from you days ago, surprised, and yes, I'm fine (: Thanks. Uhs, hope your life is good too. Take care, you were the best I ever had, and of course, you'll always be someone special (:

Oh my dear pikachu is 12345684702701717136471 miles away from me.
ROARS. I miss you, my dearest remedy (:

p.s Planning hard for my future, ironing it out.
Venice & Rome, pls wait for me.

2010-10-25T23:17:00.002+08:00

It has been a long while since I do some updates in here, this personally-open space. Wells, I don't know what to blog, but yeah, all's fine..

Tonight, I've decided to miss you a little more, till you're gone for a month.

2010-09-12T21:58:00.003+08:00

Stay home weekends are productive.

At least I've cleaned my room, groom my baby, and packed my room as well. Yes, it has been a stay home weekend for myself. Let's just put it this way, I manage to ground myself, spending time doing things that I should instead of hitting the clubs like how I used to.

Hmmm, been thinking quite a bit these days.. I don't know, but I just can't help but to think a little these days. Ever since that day someone asked me "Are you happy?" all the way up till now, my brain has been working, doubly hard than usual. I felt lost when I saw that text, like really lost. LOL. Well, let's just put it this way, I'm kinda contented with whatever I have now - friends, family, and ok, work..

People told me, its time to let the past go and move on from there. My reply will always be a smile, and silence. I won't say I've like wow, 101% let go and I'm all ready to open up to the next, and so on. I mean it takes time for me to you know, rely on another. Of course, I must feel that the person is the right one, and that he's worth for me to open up myself to and so on..

I won't deny that, ya la, I'm scared. LOL. Yes, I'm seriously scared, like scared shit know, kinda scared. LOL. I don't know how am I gonna make the next work. I don't know how is it gonna even happen. I don't know if I can even you know, make the first move. I have no idea how can anyone confessed that he's feeling empty, but well, I gotta applaud him for that. There's no way I'll tell anyone that "hey, I'm feeling empty" even though I might be feeling that way. RAHS, I'm not making any sense, but ya, I know what I'm trying to say ( I do have ego, though its small, but I do have it, and ya, I do not open up to anyone, like easily. It takes a lot of efforts to prove it to me).

Well, I know, and I'm trying to like, slowly unbreak this ice around myself. Of course, the other gotta prove his worth before I do anything too. I'm not playing hard to get either, I'm just tying to observe, to see things carefully before I jump again.. Uh well... Again, people tend to judge, without giving you a chance to explain. Humans.....

I got confused when I stand and looked at you.
I got confused when you were so sarcastic, and got angry.
I got even more confused when you chose to ignore, and thats that.

2010-09-11T15:24:00.002+08:00

Whoooo! Long weekends, are the best!

Ok, here's what I'm gonna do, clean my room, groom baby, and deco my own wall, like finally!! I cant really stand that empty patch. HEHS. Wheeee!! Clean clean clean :D I like!

Life's been pretty much the same :D Awesome people, awesome company, make me feels awesome too! :D

No, I don't hate you. I just don't know how to go about pretending that things are alright and rely on you like how I used to. Prolly because I'm afraid that I might get sucked into the cycle again. I wanna stop relying on you, and be so sheltered from everything with your presence. There's no point hating you. Everything started out wrongly last year, thus all the insecurities.. It's all over. I will contact you when I feel that I'm ready..

Oh my love, you've no idea how much it hurts each time your text came in, and showing that you still care. You've no idea how much efforts I've been putting in, to move on. Many times I wished that I could pretend that nothing has ever happened, and forget all the pain that you've brought me through, and just run back to you.. But I need to protect myself from those emotional threats too.. Hope you get my drift..

2010-08-23T22:37:00.002+08:00

That very night.

You sent a long text, I was struggling to read it. My spare phone got cranky, so I couldn't read finish. The next morning, it wasn't in my inbox. I guess, it wasn't meant to be.

And no, its not what you people think. If I were to settle down, I will make the next one last, till I die.

2010-08-21T14:22:00.002+08:00

Close to half a year.

After weeks and weeks of clubbing, I've finally decided to slow down everything. Yes, birthday was awesome. Thanks everyone who looked after me (:

Say, it's been so long, prolly by now, you've moved on too. I know, I should, and I will. He asked me something today, and I didn't answer. He's so much like you. The way you both will make me laugh, make me feel kinda secure. He's nice to me, and he was nice, looking after me that night. He's a gentleman, like you, will never eat my tofu (: Hahas. Of course, he's more guai than you, but he's also younger than you. In fact, younger than us both. However, he's also pretty much like you - enjoys building castles in the air, with me. I'm not sure how long this will go on, but for now, I'm still leaving it as it is. At times, it's really painful to face him, and to have a shadow of you lingering.. Uh well, I'm taking things slower now, how about you?

I said, someday when you mean nothing to me, I will cover up the ink. I believe I'll never do that, and I've strong faith in my own believe.

2010-08-15T21:28:00.002+08:00

I've just passed my teen years. But it was all good, the party, the people, yes, most importantly, the people. I have no idea what to say, but thanks mates, for celebrating with me. Thanks Cas bro, and Eef for coming down to have a mini celebration with me 'cuz I was sick.

I'm feeling all the love in the world, even without your presence.. I've indeed, grown up, by abit. I no longer cry whenever I receive your text. Anyway, thank you, for the wonderful memories that we once had.. Take care.

Thank you, my dear friends, for making things happen for me :D what am I to do without you all! LOVES.

p.s the previous entry is not emo pls =.=" I typed it with a heavy heart, but I wasn't emo. Cheerios.

2010-08-14T12:16:00.002+08:00

Time is ticking by, and I'm cherishing the last moments of my teen years while they still last.

And yes, I'm being forced to grow up, along with time. As much as I wanna be a little girl all my life, I know this can never be true. All the fairytales, all the myths, all the legends, they're hardly true. But I won't deny the fact that it'd make children's lives more, erms, innocent and worth the time dreaming of it. If I were to have a kid, I'll still tell him/her fairytales, making him/her happy, while they can still enjoy the luxury of dreaming/fantasizing..

Some day, just some day, I'm gonna publish a book about my life story, about how I manage to grow up, about how I manage to be me. Just some day, I'll fill in all the missing pages, all the suspense, and all the truth about my life..

Looking back on those years, I miss me.
I miss almost everything about me.
Yet I detest whatever that had happened around me; to me..
Nonetheless, I still miss me,
someone who stood up for herself.
Someone who was so firm on her stand.
Someone who was just much stronger, and much more innocent.
Yes, I miss the old innocence in me,
and I miss the will that I used to have..
Right now, all I depend on, is just Fluoxetine & Hydroxyzine to make me normal ; to make me lead a normal life; to make me be me.....

2010-08-13T15:10:00.002+08:00

At this rate, I have no idea how long are they gonna use me.

MC for a few days in a month, its bad. Its like leaving a bad record on your performance sheet. It isn't what I want, but I just can't help it. It's not like I want it this way. Nonetheless, it sucks, and yes, it sucks to the core. Its like leaving bad impression, and I just have to tell myself "9 more months to go."

Say, I have no idea how to pass on about this year, but I'm not gonna let it pass like any other years. Yes, this year I'm single, but so what?! No big fuck, I'm still gonna make it a blast! Hur hur. Yes, a blast, even when I'm down with fever! LOL.

Damn, the medicine is kicking in. Nighty.

2010-08-07T13:12:00.002+08:00

I tio scammed by Alisan man.

My dad shouted "HOY! Why are you here?!" He told my mom, and my mom told him that he was dreaming! Next, my mom came, and she went "AH!!! Why're you here (in chi)" 2 screams/shouts in the morning, and so I knew I had to explain myself...

Apparently, the guy is a bogus, and prolly so is his shop. Yes, he took many people's money and left the shop, BUT, his shop is opened, as though someone is going back to tend the shop. End up, hella no. 4 police cars, 7 policemen, 1 policewoman.. ALL OF US GOT SCAMMED. TMD. -.-"

Ok, don't ask me if I'm in SG/M'sia, or if I'm enjoying myself. Hella, I'm gonna enjoy myself tonight, IN SG. TMD. @#$%^&*

2010-08-05T22:28:00.002+08:00

I'll be away this weekend, so goodbye world.
I still think about things, about you.
Gonna party the shit outta my guts this weekend!
I never know that it'd hurt so much.
I haven't pack my bag though, kinda idiotic. Shall do it tomorrow night when I'm home. HEHS.
On second issue: you're the first who made me feel that your kiss is so ever gentle.
OMG, I still don't know what to bring, what to wear. WTH. =.=" Ok, nights.

2010-08-02T22:15:00.002+08:00

Let's see, 4 more days! Let's go and DDD.

Work's fine, and I've finally found out what I really want in my life! My goals, my ambitions. LOL! WTF, but YES! Okays, I shall go bathe and carry on dreaming...!

Leos are egoistic creatures - they don't make the first moves, but they hunt for their prey..

2010-08-01T23:00:00.005+08:00

Weekends were great,even without alcohol.
No, I will never allow myself to be a fool again.
I can't wait to hit the highlands with the babes!
Prolly I feel this way is 'cuz its been really long since someone held me close to keep me warm and shelter me from the rain..
SEXCITED. BOO! Army boys can't spend my b'day with me! They better make it up to me. READ ME, ARMY BOYS?!
It felt good, just for that very night. But now its to let it pass, and move on, and not feel bad.

2010-07-31T18:56:00.002+08:00

At times I just miss the club more than how I miss my sleep... Today, I think I miss home more than I miss the clubs. For once in all these weeks (apart from the week that I fell sick), I ain't gonna touch alcohol, and be stuck in reality.. Right, my this very weekends is about facing reality? LOL.

2010-07-25T15:37:00.003+08:00

My first resolution for this entire year : Cut down on partying & alcohol.

"I don't wish to open a box of worms in front of you, forcing you.. So, its still your choice after all, to continue or not to..."
"I think I wanna quit, I don't think I'm ready to face it.."
"Alright, but you should know that it will of course, be better if you open up..........."

Her voice fades away with my own thoughts overpowering it.

2010-07-21T21:17:00.001+08:00

Let's get low and under.
I can't wait for weekends. AH MIN's 21st! =D Heee.. Can't wait to party with the girls too! Finally, I feel good about working. =p

2010-07-18T21:15:00.004+08:00

Thanks mate (:

You've been real nice.
But I'm sorry. It's all b'cuz I ain't got any love left.

19 year old? Sorry chap, you're too young for me!

2010-07-18T15:21:00.004+08:00

Thanks for being a dear (: I'm sorry I stood you up again today, but my bed is telling me to stay home, and I can't disobey. My bed is part of my precious little life.

Another week, its gonna be 2 months for me. Man, I'm still adapting to the working life. And my mom thinks that I doesn't want to talk to her b'cuz our timings clash. =.=" How to talk when we hardly meet though we live under the same roof. Women, can be so sensitive at times... =.="

I guess its ok to let loose, get wild, and do the wrong things, once in awhile...
And no, I ain't gonna help myself this time round. Stop all those dumb medications. I think they drive me crazy faster than reality..

2010-07-11T16:31:00.003+08:00

They wanna know me, but I don't wanna know them.

Last night was awesome! It was a blast please! :) mucho loves, Sui! We shall go lo-mantic and go fairy-ing again soon, hor mates?! (:

I think my liver is gonna die soon... Zzzzz. I shall cut down on all unhealthy shits! First on the list-DRINKING. Tsk...

And oh, I bought new films for my darling love!

Alrighty, I'm off. I think I'm dehydrating, like totally.... >.<"

2010-07-01T18:46:00.003+08:00

This is classic (:

p.s I think my fever is taking ages to go down, down down.
pps. Thank you darl', for the wholemeal bread, vitamin C, watermelon juices, fever cooling pad, porridge, and soup!
ppps. Thank you panda for the company to clinic, for the card, and the herbal teas (:
pppps. Thank you beefy for the trip down. & Thanks to all who got so worried. My brain cells may be frying, but I'm not dying! =D

2010-06-27T23:07:00.001+08:00

Jump jump jump.

It's been going on for a few weeks, and I think I'm insane. It was all a good escape.

2010-06-22T22:02:00.003+08:00

It's been so long since I made my presence here, in the virtual world.

Soon, it's gonna be a month since I started working at DHL. Work's still fine, everything's still fine! The usual, hanging out with the clique, mates, and yes, no more complicated people. I guess this makes life much better. At least whatever they say, I don't know, and I will not get to hear about what they say. It's good!

Ok, I guess, most people are beginning to wonder, what happened to my "love life" and all that bull. Like I always say, I've nothing left to give, so I will not force myself to give anymore. I mean, there's no point in forcing. So I shall let it pass. Speaking of this, do you know the little monster just dug out the blue roses you gave me? Yes, the ones with the carebears and the ring. What a coincidence! (: You know, its kinda like an irony. Years, and months passed........ I don't know, but time flies. I'm sorry, but, right now, I just wanna, get well.. I know, all these while, you've been trying to protect me, and show me the love. I guess, things do change, and prolly you're lost too. I'm sorry love.. I promised you before: I will never bake star cookies for others ever. Up till today, its still valid. You're a form of love which I do not need to possess, so long you're getting along fine, my heart will stop aching for our past.

Well, its kinda funny when I look back at all the past events. So many stuffs happened, and getting over those ain't easy. Yes, especially when you get ignorant people who judge; who try to ruin you, when you've done nothing wrong! Seriously, some people just grow up in their own world, without looking out, finding out the big picture. All they can ever think of is "What, that is my friend, so I should not listen to your side of story, bitch" However, I believe after all these, I kinda realise more, about those people. It's kinda funny though 'cuz I don't know if I should envy them for their ignorance, living in their own world, happily, bitching about others, bringing others down for their leisure & pleasure. Or I should feel angry 'cuz I'm the victim here yo. HAHAS. Seriously, its truly funny.

She said, I always fall for the wrong people, but I beg to differ.
She said, I'm always giving chances to the wrong people, but I object to this statement.
'Cuz none of them are mistakes (except for one exceptional case- an immature 21).

2010-05-30T16:51:00.002+08:00

My weekends rocket-ed away.

It was a fruitful weekend though. Had fun celebrating birthdays, and yes, I love celebrations. They make people feel happy! =D Okay, or at least, they make me felt happy. HAHAS.

I don't wanna bid my weekends goodbye so quickly! Walao, today is like a typical Sunday. Clean her room, let her out to play. I seriously think that my kitty thinks that I'm her toy. She CHASES me around the house, in attempts to attack me. Can you believe it?! She pounced at me from my bed, to where I was sitting. I literally saw her FLY. She landed softly on my laps and started chewing on my fingers. =.=" Are kitties suppose to behave this way?

And oh, to add on, she was pouncing on me when she sorta missed the landing spot. She nearly fall, but she was just staring at me, expecting me to pull her up. When I did, she bites me again. WTH. At times I think that my princess is a nut brain; and at times I kinda hate her. LMAO.

Right at this point of time, I'm confused. Should I go back to my books, or to work. This sure is contradicting. BLAHS.

2010-05-29T18:24:00.002+08:00

Just shoot if you can't get over it.

You don't have to act all tough and nasty, saying untrue things about me. Just admit it, you're just feeling bitter 'cuz you can't get me. HAA! How funny is it gonna be?! I can't wait to watch you fall, only then you'll know how I felt. BLAHS. Enjoy the short moments of fame, and a lifetime of eyes/rumours revolving around your life. *sings: Oh pa-pa pa-pa-razzi

I like it last night! (: HAPPY B'DAY, HX! (actually its tomorrow, but I shall blog it now). BEST WISHES. HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOUR 21st! =D

Oh, can't you just make me feel so mesmerised by you all again?

2010-05-22T22:11:00.004+08:00

Time flies like some shooting stars.

Yes, I've graduated officially, collected my cert, and I guess this marks the end of my poly life and its time to say hello to the working world. Bro said to me "welcome to the life of zombies." AHAHAS. Apparently, people who are working in an office are pretty much like zombies. They go to work in the mornings, come home in the evenings, eat, bathe, sleep, wake up, and the same routine goes on and on.......! This doesn't sound really welcoming please.

As for some other issues, I've been a good girl, and all. I just wanna be fine. Uhs..

Say, looking back from where I think things have changed for me, it is indeed a long run/time. I have no idea how to go on talking about it, but I suppose things will be good if people just stop trying to mess up my life. My life is by far, really nice and as peaceful as it is recently, and I WANT it to continue. Seriously, don't be such bitches ok? No good for your own karma (:

Everyone's been busy with their own lives, and people just come and go now and then. TSK. It confuses me, like seriously. You see, sometimes people just pop into your life, but with an agenda. I don't like this, and I fucking hate it. I've been trying to lie low as much as possible by not going to the clubs, and not hang out with complicated people, but sometimes, people just like pulling me into that dumbass whirlpool. Well, I'm not one of those recyclable toys whereby you can just use, and pass on to your friends for use. Period.

I'm confused by people's actions and their words.
'Cuz they don't tally.
Why hide, why lie, why cover up for yourself?
Why can't you be honest to yourself, and to others?

I hope beefy's been good, and so is my godson (:

2010-05-14T18:44:00.002+08:00

We play hide-and-seek in the day, and chase by the evening.

I believe what they say about kittens are so true. They're simply so playful, and yes, when they're playful, some damages in the house is done. Rahs. But all is well, as she's quite a dear, apart from the tearing of newspapers, the throwing of tantrums, and prolly, the whiny part. Say, she's already how old ehs? About 1 mth or so? Hmms, i think she's a mixture of many different animals. Hahas. She never fails to make my day la.

Alrighty, time for dinner whilst this little monster continues destroying my nose, my bed, my room. ROARSssssss. P.s she loves to steal my pillow. Asshole. She lies there like the pillow is hers, when its MINE! =.="

2010-05-13T21:55:00.003+08:00

Tah dah, my very favourite =D Thank you darl' (: loves much.

I'm finally NOT job-less! LOL LOL :P yes, I'm currently employed by DHL, as some Logistics Coordinator (: YAY. I'm happy with the pay, the place (although its quite a walk from the station). And so, I'm gonna make sure I'm staying in this job, for long (:

Tonight my kitty has gone wild. She's like running around like a bunny. No, it ain't any typo, but yes, a BUNNY. She doesn't really run 'cuz she hops around. Geez. She's like 'hopping' around, and jumping on my bed, making herself comfortable. ROARSssss! No good, 'cuz I'm sneezing real badly. Gosh.. Time to chase her out. HEH HEH.

~~There's always a time to face your fears.~~
~~And mine begins tomorrow.~~

Everyone could be hiding,
could be lying.
Its just what you choose to believe in,
and what they choose to tell you..

2010-05-12T15:31:00.003+08:00

One day, I'm gonna be so sick of interviews that I'm gonna just sit in front of this lappy and stone my day away. Damn.
"We'll call you again"
In my tiny heart "Ta-Ma-De"

Alrighty, gotta go, again. Yawns. Can anyone tell me what's wrong with me having no experience in the logistics field?! It's not my fault that my attachment is not related. Hellooooo?! WTF.

2010-05-10T23:14:00.002+08:00

Going for too many interviews make me feel so constipated. Yes, CONSTIPATED. 'cuz it was like gritting my teeth, going against the dumb weather, and then smile =D Yes, I think my face is like.. NUMBED. Damn. Alright, at least the interviewers are nice people, so I was still alright with it =D

And I think I'm having some sort of difficulty with anger management. Yes, I've morphed into this stupid monster who pinches, who screams, who abuses her partner. LMAO. And I think it has got to do with stress management.

You see, being jobless=more interviews=sending more resumes=endless remixes from empress=no income=more money spent=more free house music=bad temper=sleepless nights=poor anger management=poor stress management=abusive girlfriend=more arguments=more displeasure=random mood swings=crazy. Yes, see how fucking long this list is?! Oh my gosh, I think my brain is literally exploding. LMAO.

And no, I'm not crazy, like mentally ill. The next person who's gonna say that I'm mentally insane shall get it from me. I shall slap the fella silly and show him/her what is it like to be really insane. DAMN. Arghs! I'm like.. I don't know! I think I'm like some time bomb. Ready to go "chi-ga-ba-boom" really soon. And I mean it.

And I still don't feel comfortable when people probe into my family's stuffs. And I don't like it. As a matter of fact, I hate it. I seriously hate it, and I think I wanna cry 'cuz I nearly did, in front of that lady. Then again, I like youtube. They have nice vids. They make me happy =B

2010-05-07T16:09:00.003+08:00

Hmms, I was typing one big chunk here but I backspaced every single thing. Say, let's just put it this way- I have no idea what to blog about anymore. Hmms.. Its Friday! TGIF. Interview on Monday, 10am. Seriously, I need to organize my timing well (:

Toodles, and till then.

Damn it, where's my book?! ROARRrrrrrrrrs! Please kindly return me MY book. Thank you very much.

2010-05-06T14:34:00.002+08:00

M-I-C-K-E-Y~ M-O-U-S-E!
Miska muska, mickey mouse!

Yes, I've been watching this for days, and days. LOL. This is the first program that I will watch to start my day. HAHAHAHAS. Who says that I'm too old for cartoons?! I shall slap that person silly. Cartoons are not only for kids ok. In fact, cartoons make my day. HAHAHAS =X

Oh boy oh boy, I'm still, jobless. LOL. Mum's been nagging, and I really did try all that I could. LOL. Just that luck ain't on my side. Gee. And I shall upload photos soon, but I'm really lazy, and sleepy. Been playing hide & seek with that little girl. She enjoys hiding, and waits for me to search for her, high & low, low & high, everywhere around the house. *yawns*

2010-05-02T23:14:00.005+08:00

Reflective entry (contents are based on personal opinions, personal thoughts, and everything personal. if you're offended by any chance, I'm NOT sorry at all. 'cuz this is MY fucking blog, and you have a choice of NOT reading it. TYVM)

Just a random post/random update. Haven't been online for quite awhile, but I'm not missing in action. I'm still very much alive and kicking around. I've been rather busy with the princess lately, and I sleep alot, alot. Imagine, you have to wake up at around 9am, to clear the princess's shit, and at times, wash the toilet ('cuz she shit on the floor), feed her, before you can head back to bed. This is super taxing.

Alright, enough of my temperamental princess. There's another prince on his way! Yes, I'm like some pet mama already. However, this prince is gonna be a puppy =\ I have no idea how my mum is gonna handle the smell! And I have no idea how to handle the two darlings, together =S I shall see to it.

Say, life's been pretty much the same. Things are getting better, and things are swaying their way back on tracks. This is helluva good, like seriously. Things are better at home, and yes, I'm glad that things are changing for the better, at home, within the families =D Trust me, when things start to change for the better at home, that's when you'll think and believe that other things are turning for the better too. Uhs...!

To add on, I've been thinking quite abit during this period of time. Uhs, things have changed alot for me, ever since the beginning of 2010, till now. Yes, it was pretty much like I was sucked into some tornado, and I have no total control of my life; I have no clear vision of what my life had became back then. Ok, to be it more directly, I was really sheltered for all my life, until I decided to you know, break-free. Tsk, I won't say that its a mistake, but its more of like a chance for me to know more about the nature of beings. I seriously think I'm too kind-hearted at times. HAHAHAHAS! Ok, stop laughing. LOL. Whatever, things are turning out better for me, I'm happy! =D

Nonetheless, I'm glad to have great friends around, and people who love me. Thank you, you folks, and pals. ME LOVES.

Here I am, back in your embrace. Its the only place where I know, things will always turn out just fine. I'm glad, to be back in this cozy abode (:

Oh, our bittersweet world.

2010-04-26T18:04:00.002+08:00

As promised, the princess of the house now. Alrighty, I shall go nap before dinner. She eats alot, its true.

We both know things aren't gonna be the same, but we just wanna hang on to that tiny glimpse of hope, that things might change for the better. Are things suppose to turn out this way? I know I shouldn't push you away, but I can't help it. I'm sorry.

2010-04-26T17:08:00.003+08:00

I'm in need of a job, apart from being Jiselle bean's baby sitter.

Yes, there has been a new addition to my family. Roars. She's really playful, she's afraid of heights, she's like a princess (she cries to get what she wants) and she loves scratching me. She's a real KPO too! Yes, its true! She loves climbing to my shoulders, rest there, look at whatever I'm doing. Uhs, except that now, she's lying peacefully on my lap.

Say, the Empress did object and created a big hoo-ha, but after all that she has seen-me clearing bean's shit, etc, the Empress kept quiet. Now, my family has only 1 issue with Jiselle. Both my mum and I are allergic to her fur! *Screams* What nonsense! We'd sneeze non-stop when we're close to her. Oh man..

Then again, things might be better? HEH. She's a darling, she keeps herself clean and neat, and she cries when she wants some attention. LOL. She's quite an ass la. She wakes me up every single morning, at 8.30am-9am. Reason? She wants to shit, pee, eat. Good life right?! I used to be the only princess in the house ('cuz my parents pamper me like one), but now that Jiselle's here, I'm like her servant. HAIYO!

Anyway, my life has been the same. Just that gotta help out with some family issues, look for a stable job, and look after this lazy girl here. Uhs, I'm not sure, but I guess these are enough for me to handle. Just hope that things will turn out better in the house.

I will upload her photos soon! She's a darling, really (: And now, she's the princess of the house. I'm jealous! LOL. *stares at Jiselle* Alright, maybe not. She's too cute and sweet for me to be jealous/angry, of/with her. And oh, to add on, she enjoys sliding down my leg during her naps. I have no idea why :S

Okay, the princess is awake. I gotta go entertain her now. Toodles!

2010-04-06T23:02:00.001+08:00

BACK FROM BKK!

It was awesome (: Thank you, my dear mates for the wonderful memories. They're just one of the best that I've ever had. I'll upload the photos soon, or I shall ask someone else to do me this favour (:

Been busy, working at an animals' clinic. It was fun, and furry. LOL. Shall update more when I'm free. Meanwhile, Imma gonna leave this space blank for abit. Too lazy to update. HEHS.

Nights folkies.

2010-03-25T02:44:00.005+08:00

The voices went on a decrescendo, and echoed along with the silence.

I'm still up at such un-earthly hour, and I can wake up early early in the morning without feeling tired. Prolly my body will feel fucking tired, but I can never doze off. Ughs. I seriously hate this shit-Insomnia. Like what the hell?

Flying off tomorrow (since today is already considered Thurs), and I so have to pack my luggage later. Gonna call vanny up and plan what to bring. When you have 2 sotong queens, you'll have things missing, or forgotten. LOL. Not a good thing please, but I'm excited about the trip.

Hopefully, this trip is something fruitful, like act as a getaway or something. I need it, like seriously.

Thanks for bringing Ah Cow to play with me again, today (: The handsome boy did cheer me up. And no, I will not go club when I'm already home after a day out. Still, thanks, for staying up to talk to me. HEHS. See ya when I'm back! (:

Maybe you should heed their advices, and move on. Whatever happened will remain in that particular memory lane, for that particular time-zone. I have no idea what else to say. I'm not denying, nor running away. I'm just, here. And no, no sympathy is needed.

There, I'm beginning to feel drowsy. It sure kicks in fast, faster than anything. For now, I shall drift to my lala-land. Uhs..

2010-03-23T14:01:00.004+08:00

Today, I stared at the number of blogs/live-journals that I have and I got a shock.

Just how many journals/blogs do I need? One of the blogs contained a part of my past. The other, for another period of history. And another, its just totally private. Only this, is open to all.

Its quite scary when I think about it. It's like, "WTF do I need so many blogs for?" Naturally, an answer pops into this tiny little brain of mine. The answer whispered and echoed its way through all my nerves, and to the brain. I have the answer, but I can never figure it out, exactly why. "Denial" it said. I beg to differ. I'm not living in denial. No, I'm not. I'm just.. normal, like you know, think about things and issues, and discover the answers yourself. Its normal, isn't it? Everyone does that, no?

Uh wells, I really need a nice escape from all these shits that are raining on me, like free flow. Laughs. Flying off this Friday, and I believe its a good time for me to unwind, and break-free for a week. Probably when I'm back, the parents will stop nagging, things will stop screwing up for me. Maybe, things might turn out better, then. Maybe..

I once said how afraid and panicky I can get when I could not hear my thoughts properly. I will get panic attacks, and feel totally breathless, until I can hear myself think and breathe. However, now I detest the silence that I'm facing each and every night when everyone is asleep. 'Cuz I can hear my own thoughts arguing with one another, loud and clear..

2010-03-18T22:12:00.006+08:00

I'm telling you, right now, as I blog, my face is like haywire. You know, the kinda face that is rather, squashed, with pouty lips, and big nostrils, and with one eye bigger than the other?! Reason? I'm gonna miss this "ROCK & ROOTS" concert/event. OMG!!! *grabs and pulls hair* I WANNA GO LEHS!!! :(

This is like WOAHS for me please. Firstly, its of the "rock" genre, and I heard the previews via the webby http://www.rockandroots.com.sg/ and its the kinda genre that I'm into?! Moreover, THE FRAY will be performing!!!!!!

OMG. My heart is like pounding like some.. lion, trying to break free from the cage?!

Secondly (this is the saddest part, that really set my world spinning. Imagine lightnings come crashing down and hit me on the head. A little drama and cartoon-ish, but this is how I'm feeling), BRO HAS THE TICKETS FOR THE EVENT. AND I WAS INVITED TO GO!!!!! OMG. I'm gonna faint now. I can't go, 'cuz I won't be in SG. TELL ME, THIS IS A BAD TIMING. OMG!!!

Alright, enough of the ranting.. (my lips are trying to force a smile on my face, and continue blogging). Anyway, despite the chaos over at BKK, I'm still going on the date set. Wish me luck okay! PRAY FOR ME, PEOPLE! =D

p.s Thank you bro, for being around. I'm really proud of our friendship, as its still standing so strong even after so long. Even when we don't meet up often, I'm really glad that we still contact each other once in awhile. Even if its once in awhile, its good enough! ((: *hugs*

I must say, I'm really proud of being who I am, even when some people might judge me based on my unexplainable actions. I'm being direct most of the times, and that is because I don't hide. I'm just being me. I show my displeasure right at the person if he/she has pushed the limits. I don't go "hahahahahas" with the person when its obvious that I dislike him/her.

I don't fall for people easily. It takes more than just honey-coated words, and gimmicks, for me to truly love someone. And yes, I once erred- I gave up on myself, on everybody. BUT so what? Who doesn't go through that phase before? At least right now, I'm no longer that loser who plays around, and tarnish "love" itself. Arghs, enough of rants. Humans.. I'd rather play with dogs =D

Everyone used to ask me "Aye, you do tattoo, not pain ehs?"

My reply would always be "No".

Reason being? Life itself is even more painful than all these physical pains. What's this compared to the wounded soul within..?

2010-03-17T01:14:00.004+08:00

Please don't be like the smoke, they sting my eyes, then they vanish. Please don't hurt me, and disappear. Stay, and mend the broken pieces, ok?

I realised that its been really long since I last blogged about my emotions. I used to blog like I was writing a story. These days, I just blog mainly for the sake of doing so. HEHS. Thus, the "dead" blog, I guess?

Anyway, tomorrow is another day. I'm still jobless, and as a matter of fact, I'm feeling rather stressed up please. Yes, my empress has been nagging at me to get a decent job. I was like, ok, sales? admin? normal low pay jobs? Her immediate reply was "no" "no", and "NO". I understand luhs. She's just afraid that I might be underpaid, as I'm fresh from the "oven" what. Points taken, but constant nagging ain't gonna help either. It's gonna drive me insane someday. OMG. I think my hair is turning white luhs! *checks*

*Yawns* you see, its not that I didn't make the effort to blog, like really blog blog, but I'm so freaking tired after ahwile.. >.<" I run out of things to mention in this blog, I run out of ways to express myself, I run out of whatever creative juices. And b'cuz I don't wanna blog like some emo shit, I've nothing much left for me to blog about. LMAO. NO! It's not that my life is darn pathetic or what ok. Its just that, I don't feel so happy these days la. That's all.

At times, I just can't help, but to laugh at some people. I'm not evil ok! *shakes head* It's just the way they like to portray themselves and all. It's just, I don't know. I shall *zip zip* I just don't like the way some people assume things, you know? (:

With that, I shall end this lengthy entry, filled with rubbish, now. HEHS. Good night, earthlings (:

2010-03-16T17:16:00.002+08:00

Take me to the floor (:

Don't hang up on me. You knew how real my laughters are. You knew how I feel.

2010-03-12T21:16:00.003+08:00

Chanced upon this, and I thought "Hey, not bad ehs, quite meaningful, and rather motivating. Is this some hint or what?" The tune is rather catchy, and I was wondering, why the heck didn't I discover this earlier?! Especially when it existed since the 80s or 90s? HECK LA, its good means its good! =D

Last night was another sleepless night I tell you. It was like, I managed to doze off only around 4am?! I was like rolling around in bed, with many random thoughts in my tiny ass brain. "Port-folio; Camera; Trip; Prices of ciggy going up; Mum's way of showing her displeasure; Job interviews. On top of all these, introducing to you, rank number 1- MONEY! Nabeh. Told you money is the root of all evils/unhappiness/displeasures. NOW, money is the root of my insomnia. @#$%^&*()_+

Anyway, tomorrow I'm going over to the IT fair again, to check the cameras out. Oh, did I mention that daddy agreed to spon me? HAHAHAHAS. Shit, now I sound like some spoilt brat who does nothing at home, but ask for money. CB. YOU SEE! That's the main issue behind my mum's constant nagging. Alright, back to the topic-dad is sponsoring me. HEHS. AWESOME. =D He's in a good mood today :P

Oh, you know what?! Evie was super sweet please! She sorta wanted to spon me for my cammy and port-folio. OMG please. Can you believe it?! She's so supportive luhs. Haiyoh, but I'm ok la. Come on, I'm gonna work, and earn money for all those shits. =D And I called up an old friend, who is now a jail bird, for help. Apparently, her situation is so much worst than mine. She has money, but her cards are with her partner. Sad right.. LMAO. BUT, still, thanks for offering to help (:

Alrighty, I'm off to chat, and scold that bloody bugger! =D

2010-03-12T18:12:00.002+08:00

It's been close to a week since I last fall sick, and I'm actually recovering. Thank you.

Its been a week, since you popped over. Nonetheless, thank you, JLZH. Although you knew that at that point of time I'll never open the doors for you, and I will never see you, but you still came, with my favourites. Thank you for the effort.

Finally, its some closure for you, I hope. And thanks for the efforts that you put in after that, trying to make things work. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't bring myself to it anymore. Anyway, things are good now, and so, all the best in all that you do. And good luck to you, for your dreams, films, future.

Thank you for bringing me closer to art, and discover another part of my inner self.

2010-03-11T12:11:00.007+08:00

I realised that my blog is officially dying. Anyway, here are some super overdue photos. WAHAHAHAHAS. I'm gonna miss those times, my babies! (:

During lecture, when I have nothing to do, I will do this!

And I mms-ed baby on that very day, on the very spot. HEH HEHs. Lectures can drive me insane, you know!

Ok, the below photos can be very disturbing. RIP, my lecture notes. I'm so sorry that I couldn't protect you from harm, and maybe pain. You know you've always been a dear, aiding me in my studies, and I do cherish you. I love you, lecture notes. HEH HEHs.

See, how badly she's being disfigured?! :( Hahahas. Ok la, at least the doodle-r did erase everything from the book for me. HEHs. Yes, judging from the handwriting and drawings, it was all done by CHARMAINE! hahahas.

Then the following photos were taken during the FYP hectic period. Yes, spent the night at the airport's TCC, during weekdays (so we were not that inconsiderate after all ok).

Check out the number of laptops there are! GOODNESS. All, chiong project! LMAO.

Allowing the coffee to do its magic! =D

Alrighty, for now. I still have more. Maybe I should just upload them up in facebook. HEH. YAY, Imma gonna meet evie later ((: For some interview, then to go shopping. YAYS. Evie is gonna support me financially, till I find a job, hor hor hor?!! =D Forget about the other one from my clan. I'm the better lion. HAHAHAHAS.

Alrighty, gotta rush before I'm late again. Interview, cannot late sial! HEHS. Toodles! =D

2010-02-21T23:40:00.002+08:00

Internet is harmless.
Laptop is harmless too.
BUT WHEN BOTH OF THEM COME TOGETHER,
THEY'RE SO HARMFUL!!

Right, here I am, online, instead of studying. Super sin-full. I need to study. HEHS! Exams are just next week. omg. STUDYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!! Can people, tell me, and nag at me to study?! (:

2010-02-13T16:08:00.002+08:00

Push me off the edge, and I'll not hold on.
With every emotions of yours,
you kept it within.
As much as I'm trying,
I realised, I'm always failing,
and I'm always falling.
I tried opening up,
letting you in,
but no, you came in like a hurricane.
Everything around me began spinning.
After many tries,
I know I have...
~~given up.~~

2010-02-10T12:16:00.002+08:00

They say what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. With that, I have to argue against it. 'Cuz it ain't happening that way for me. It's all killing me, bit by bit, eating me up within. And no, I'm not getting stronger. I'm feeling so weak, so worn out, so drained.

We've called the previous a stop.
I'm sucked into another cycle.
'Cuz now I'm entwined in another circle.
Circles go round and round,
never-ending...

On second thought, tonight's gonna be a good night. And I chose to believe in that instead. It makes me happier. Much much happier than anything else. Even better than chocolates. Meowww~ I promise I'll be a nice little kitty tonight =B

2010-01-31T16:32:00.007+08:00

I know all these photos are really too late, but I was so caught up with my FYP that I didn't even sleep for nights, let alone uploading photos. And VIOLA, PHOTOS (: Let's paint this picturesque.

The drinks, highly recommended (:

Ok, I got this from Korea and it's still sitting in my fridge, haven't expire. Bought it 'cuz it's said to be good and nutritional for women. HAHAS. Complexion, and cramps (: Its darn nice la pleaseeeee.... I WANT MORE, but its finishing soon :(

Guess what, every one's been talking about healthy food, and here I discovered, the HEALTHY COKE. hahahas. It's actually organic, and it tastes pretty much the same as our normal coke. As I'm pretty much of a coke-lover, so can you imagine how unhealthy I'm? Yet, I discovered this, ORGANIC COKE. HAHAHAHS. Its nice (:

Moving on, THE FOOD! (:

Dad bought this for me, on one of those nights. OMG. SASHIMI RICE. It's darn nice please. I wanna drool over this again! =p

From Pizzahut's. Niceeeee! (:

Classified wrongly, but I'm lazy to change. This is just a random picture, btw. Just that the fella put too much whipped-cream, that it looks weird. =.="

The following below are from Aston's. Niceeeee! (:

Random photos! (:

Ok, side-track, Foooood!

Know what? This is one friggin' expensive spaghetti. It costs about $8, but its darn nice. And its from a neighbourhood coffee shop (my house area).

The same stall as from the one mentioned above.

SUPER OUTDATED PHOTOS (:

The above are all taken during the New year countdown. HAHAHAS. I gave up after I saw the quality of the photos, and we used HX's camera instead (:

2010-01-31T16:00:00.003+08:00

I manage to crawl home this morning, and right now, I'm still feeling gorgy. BLAH. In short, yesterday was fucking awesome. Erms, did you manage to catch what I've just typed? I SAID, YESTERDAY WAS FUCKING AWESOME! =D Parties, one after another. ME LIKE HAPPY OCCASIONS.

First it was my niece's first month celebration. Trust me, she's really really like a little princess, a pretty one at that. She's so dear, so small, so cute, so cuddle-able, so everything nice & sweet. OMG. I'm so proud to be an aunt of such a darling =B

After the party, went for some shopping, and trust me, its not easy to shop for CNY clothes these days. THE TREND AIN'T MOVING. This is friggin' irritating 'cuz wherever I go, I see the same things, and walking advertisements for those very same style and clothing. OMG. Conclusion: I've yet to get my CNY clothing. Alright, I so need to shop again, and again. IRRITATING. hahahas. And each time I withdraw some money for the CNY shopping, I'd spend it on other stuffs, and now, I'm SO BROKE. WTH WTH WTH. Money, can you please start falling from the sky and deposit yourself into my account? Pretty please? (:

Moving on, I was at a house party last night, till this morning light. Okay, not late/early enough to catch the silver linings. Anyway, the party was a TOTAL BLAST (: It was so much fun, and omg, crazy. Gosh, at least I manage to crawl back safely to my abode. HEH. Thank you all for the wonderful time last night! I'm gonna upload some videos into facebook! (: Ok, there are alot of different videos, and half the time, I see no shit. =.=" I seriously wonder why I took those vids in the first place! LMAO. Its like so dark, that I can only see the silhouettes of the different people. OMG.

Alrighty, shall upload the photos (:

No baby, you couldn't read my thoughts,
you couldn't feel my veins,
you couldn't hear the beats.
As much as I'm trying to hold you up,
you're pulling us all down.
This ain't gonna work out.
We could pretend that all's fine,
we could pretend that we're each other's.
Yet are we gonna pass this test?
We said our prayers,
but they're not answered.
You think I'm just another lie,
just another passerby in your life.
You claimed that you're so torn apart.
You claimed that you're bleeding so much,
and are dying.
But baby, don't you know how much its all eating me up within.
I didn't breathe a word,
but it does not mean that I'm stone cold.
I didn't shed a tear,
doesn't mean I'm just watching you bleed.
Just 'cuz I'm the one leading,
doesn't mean I'm never lost.
Just 'cuz I look so oh so fine,
doesn't mean I'm really perfectly so alright.
So why don't you just pull the trigger..

2010-01-29T01:44:00.002+08:00

This is the end of the FYP. KUDOS to all my team members. Although we did not do really well for the presentation today, BUT I strongly believe that we've put in our utmost efforts for this FYP, throughout this entire period. Don't be in dismay, 'cuz I believe we can get our good grades! Please do not blame yourselves, as I can see how much efforts our team has put in for this project. I can see that all of you did work really hard for this project. And my dearest team mates, you guys will always have me around (:

Ok, for the past few days, due to this presentation, I've been rather stressed up and okays, fine, rather.. *coughs* erms, *coughs* emotional. However, thanks to those around me, for the support and encouragement (: Like really, else I wouldn't know how to get through this without you girls and guys (: Thank you for all the understanding, and yeah.. THANK YOU (:

Alright, I know, my mood wasn't stable for the past few days. I get really cranky one moment, really hyper and alright the next, and then very quiet and down the very next moment. One word-unpredictable. I just wanna say THANK YOU to my mom as well. Ok, although I seriously dislike her remarks and her naggings, but I'm sure, she did try to make me feel better by cooking my favourites (:

Ok, just wanna say thanks to those who tolerated my mood swings, and yeahs, especially to the girls, thanks for being around. I'm sorry as well, for breaking down, and scared you all =\ BUT, I'm one tough girl now alright. LOVES PLENTY (:

Alrighty, I'm going to bed 'cuz I'll be going to school tomorrow for vanny's group-to support them! (: Nighty folks!

Along with the passing city lights,
a thousand thoughts flooded my mind.
Felt rather helpless towards everything.
Not knowing what to do, where to start, and how to go about dealing it.
Within this little confined pumping device,
there's this part which is so ever vulnerable.
Please do not judge it, like any others.
'Cuz I'm just not as strong as you think.

2010-01-25T21:04:00.002+08:00

For now, I can take a little breather before this coming Thursday's presentation. Its been a long while since I upload photos of food in the blog. Trust me, I wasn't skiving, I did take photos of the nicee food that I ate. Its just that I'm rather lazy (:

Say, I don't know, but I wanna get over and done with this FYP SOOOooooooon! (:

2010-01-24T13:36:00.003+08:00

This period is a tough one for all around me. Be it those rushing for projects, stressing over projects, over their own school work, their own personal life, FRET NOT. A little hug is always good (: What I wanna say is, hang on, my dears. FYP will soon be over; things won't go wrong, for long. Don't worry, have some faith in yourselves, and be strong, for a little longer. Anything, I'm always around! (:

SMILE PEOPLE, don't overly stress yourselves.

aunty wee is always around to listen! (:

Mucho loves,

jo.

foot note: Thank you my FYP group mates, for all the efforts you guys have put in, all these while. Thank you, for being supportive, and patient all these while. Thank you, for hanging on. Especially to AH WAN, thank you for being so persistent and strong, when it comes to your programming part. SPECIAL THANKS TO YOU GUYS! (: MUCHO LOVES LOVES.

Thank you to those who supported me, and never fail to cheer me up when you guys see me so stress over project. HEHS. Thank you for spending time with me, and helping me in my project as well! (: Like really thank you, for staying up with me, till the early mornings for almost a week or so.

Thank you, my dearies, for being so ever encouraging, and helping me tide through this period, be it school work, or personal stuffs (: YOU GIRLS AND GUYS ARE LOVES! (:

2010-01-20T05:16:00.002+08:00

Listening to the music,
staring into space.
Following the melody makes me seems so weak. I have no idea how to put this to words. I'm tired, physically and prolly mentally. I've been through this like a thousand times. We'll go through this again, and again. Like what I've always said, life is like a cycle. We'll and we shall, go through this all over again.

From now, till the next time I get sucked in, I shall prepare some armour. And yes, I'm finally heading home, to sleep. I need it badly. REAL BADLY. And so, good night people. Good night...

Your friends might blame me for being insensitive. You might blame me for giving up. Your friends might blame me for being mean. Your friends may call me a whore, a bitch. Your friends might say all sorta things behind my back. They CAN judge me, 'cuz they don't even know me. BUT you CAN'T 'cuz you claimed that you know me; 'cuz you do not have the rights.

2010-01-20T02:09:00.003+08:00

At this point of time, its really rare that I'm still awake, especially when I'm not clubbing or out having fun. Okay, the "out" part is true, but not the "having fun" part. I'm out, doing my FYP, at the cold and deserted airport. Right now, the progress is like 40%, and its due tomorrow. BRAVO! Looks like I'm gonna stay up for 24hrs already. THIS IS COOL SHIT.

Say, I need some sleep. I'm tired, and sleepy, and hungry. Everyone is working hard, okays, and so I'm back to report. EDIT EDIT EDIT.

And so you thought I'm strong. And no, I'm not as strong and unfeeling like how you presumed me to be. And no, I'm not that ok, like how you think I am. And yes, I'm still trying. And yes, I'm still putting in effort. And no, its not what you think. Ok, go ahead and assume, since you've already made an ass outta US.

2010-01-16T02:59:00.002+08:00

At this time, surprisingly I'm still online. Say, FYP has created alot of pandas. Trust me, I'm just one of them. And bravo, my part is still not completed. OMG. Tomorrow's meeting is ar 12pm, and my personal appointment is at 6. OMG. Cousin's wedding is just sometime next week or the week after next. Tell me this is not happening....!

Alrighty, I have to go sleep now. I'm so worn out, but I'm so stress. Uhs....

In this what seems like a peaceful night with the gentle breeze, what's on your mind? Your insecurities set my heart thumping even faster than a 1 second interval. You didn't believe my words, and you accused me. Is this how it should turn out to be? If you leave me now, you'll take this very heart of mine.

2010-01-06T23:14:00.001+08:00

A little new video to start the year 2010 (: its really nice, and I thought its pretty much oldies. ME LOVE.

And I'm done with my blog skin. Its fixed. Whooooo! =D Meanwhile, wait for my posts (: I'm gonna revive this old companion of mine, once again.

Your cigarette stained lies.

2009-11-26T17:39:00.002+08:00

Today is the last day of our SIP.

Pretty much mixed emotions here and there. Sorta beginning to miss the fun and friendly people here already. It's a pleasant day, and I felt like some sort of mini-star. LOL. Presents, photos, hand-shakes. It's really awesome and sweet (: And so, I'm gonna miss the awesome people here (: Till next time..

Gonna hit the floor tonight. Prolly gonna just go there to catch up with some friends (I feel too old to dance. Maybe a drink or two is fine. LOL). *Takes a deep breath. A wonderful Thursday, to end the SIP.. Uh....

2009-11-24T21:05:00.003+08:00

I don't know. A sudden rush of emotions, and I have no idea how should I type them here. Its like too sudden, and too fats for my fingers to comprehend with the brain. I don't know why, but there's this different wave lengths of emotions within me.

It's prolly the fear, the insecurities, and those shit all over again. Its like these feelings/thoughts can never get enough of me. They haunt me. I mean, I have no idea what came over me, but right now, at this very moment, I'm like fighting these negative stuffs. I have no idea what's wrong with me =\ Prolly after all the excitement about ending the SIP, this is when mixed emotions dawn in..

Ok, 2 more days. This is the exciting shit, I tell you. LOL (:

Everyone has a certain past that they wanna conceal, they wanna forget. So do I, yet the only thing I can do is to erase those virtual memories. I can never erase those that are stored in my head.

2009-11-24T12:12:00.002+08:00

Don't ask me why I'm here, at this time. Let's do this discreetly. Okays, probably I can't. Nothing much, just thought of reviving my space with some rants and updates. On second thoughts, nothing much to type in this little confined space.

The space is the huge shit.
The people are big (be it physically or otherwise).
I feel so darn fucking small here.
Its only when I'm out, I feel that I'm my own size.

blahs. this entry sucks, I know. Bear with it. HEHS. I will upload photos if I can (or if I'm not too lazy). This place needs some revamping.

2009-11-07T15:31:00.002+08:00

Its just another typical Saturday afternoon. Everyone was at home, busy with their stuffs. The mum was busy with her house chores, the dad was busy tightening the some pump in the toilet, and of course, I was busy reading a book, relaxing to some music. I guess nothing can be more pleasant than a stay-home afternoon, spending some time with family, and yourself.

Whilst the music was airing through the radio, thoughts were filling my little brain. Its been a while since i last spend sometime with myself. I like the kind of serenity, and yeahs, the kind of feeling that shouts: Hey, I'm not rushing for time. I'm just enjoying myself, and I don't give a damn what time is it, 'cuz this afternoon is mine. And for once, I didn't have to bother how fast or how slow the time is flying or crawling. This is BLISS.

Talking about time, I'm gonna digress a little to talk about my future. YES, MY FUTURE. You see, currently I'm having my attachment in The House, and everyone's been asking me: "So what do you intend to do after you graduate from poly? It's fast, isn't it? You're going to finish your attachment here, and back to school, then graduate. So do you have any plans?" This is the typical kind of questions I get recently.

Seriously, I've no idea where I'm heading to after graduation. I've thought of studying (pte) for a degree, but I have no interest in studying (but the practical side of life urge me to study-for the degree, for a better job). Another part of me prefers to work freelance or something. So you see, I'm lost about my future, and I'm like "omg, so what am I gonna do about it?!" In a way, I'm pretty much afraid of the future =\ Some said "when you've reached the end of the jetty, you'll know" Some chinese phrase la.

Uh wells, I'm not sure lehs. How? =S Tsk, this "future planning" thing is getting on my nerves. RAHS. Again, life is too short for you to plan anything far, isn't it? =D

2009-11-01T14:16:00.003+08:00

From time to time, things change. From those changes, people learnt-be it the good way, or the bad way, but nobody can ever escape from changes. Its just like metamorphosis-whereby changes take place..

It seems tougher with whatever changes that comes our way. Its just like promises are never fulfil, whereby words and promises are used to make another happy. Can those meaningless alphabets make one happy...? Or is it that humans are greedier, apart from those alphabets that form words, they want something more to prove everything...? Is it really the case, or is it always me? I was taught to feel, than to just listen unknowingly. I guess, its just me-unable to accept changes, unable to accept reality, unable to accept whatever things that're thrown at me-forcing me to digest every single bit.

Work is NEVER fun. Its more of like those "political-read-in between-the-lines kind of environment." TSK. *ahems* HOWEVER, the people there are nice. *AHEMS* Okay, discussion close-there isn't any in the first place.

I have a feeling-
I've fallen, way too fast, way too deep.

2009-10-23T23:00:00.001+08:00

Torn - Letoya

My very secret moment.

2009-10-18T15:57:00.000+08:00

I view love as something too simple.

Weekends was great-great people, great Indian food, great shoots, great dinners/lunches, great sleep, great chat with mom, and I think I feel great.

Your heart ached 'cuz of my tears.
Yet another heart ached 'cuz of my tears shed for you.

2009-10-13T22:45:00.002+08:00

Drown & die, bitch.

SERIOUSLY.

maybe someday you'll give up,eventually.

maybe someday I'll give up, eventually.

Me is tired, work and work. TSK. I need to nua-my favourite-st hobby.

2009-10-12T22:23:00.001+08:00

It's ok, I'm ok.

Or at least allow me to convince myself that things are really ok,

and so am I.

PART-aye-d the weekends. SO OMG. I need a good rest (:

2009-10-03T13:55:00.003+08:00

Food poisoning.

Yes, this is bad, been vomiting the whole of yesterday, and I took half day off. Damn, my Friday is ruin, and I can't meet bro yesterday. I'm sorry bro, for not being to meet you, AGAIN. I promise to meet you up! I'm also sorry sis, for not being able to attend your BIG BASH (21st). I promise to meet you up for a nice dinner (: Sorry!

Well, I'm gonna nap a little before eating again. I'm so hungry. HEH.

I'm sorry for being so weak,
I'm sorry for not being able to adapt to changes..

For some reasons,
I love to dream.
Dreams are a form of escape from reality.
Dreams are a form of goals in reality.
Dreams are part of a hallucination you created,
in reality.
And you're my dream.

2009-09-30T21:53:00.002+08:00

Work can be fun (:

Say, this is like the fourth week at work, and DAMN, its exciting when you have events like today. AHEMS. LUNCH BUFFET with colleagues at a hotel. WOOOOoooooooo! =D Wheeeee! ME is happy happy! Of course, its a treat from the big big boss (:

And oh, work is fun when mate & I do stupid things whilst working. LMAO. And and and, I'm afraid the people there might think that we're insane. Seriously, we did too many stupid things, and we ALWAYS get caught. *panics* Uh wells!

Okay, just here to make my blog "look alive" for a little while. HEHS. Toodles.

Mesmerise me with your deadly kiss, as always.

2009-09-23T21:53:00.003+08:00

I FEEL GOOD!

Life's good, the same, work, and such. Been trying to squeeze out time for mates (: I'm always free on friday evenings and Saturdays, so do text me/call me (:

I have a cute beary jelly cam from hubby! (: Thanks hubby! Uhs, I've a new hp strap, with my cute little green macron (: Wheeee. Imma happy little kiddo.

Thanks hubby, for being a darling, always (: You never fail to make my day, and make me feel so loved (: I LOVE YOU, HUBBY! =D

ps. mate, no matter what happens, I'm always around to listen to your story, and I'll be around. Cheer up ok -pats-

2009-09-12T17:48:00.002+08:00

And so, we got to meet up yesterday- the second outing of the year (:

Work is still alright, just that I need to do some research as I'm handling a project. Uhs, things are still going on fine (: I might be abandoning this blog for awhile due to me, working. LOL. Meanwhile, I'm still contactable via hp (:

Thank you my sisters, for the wonderful day out (:

Thank you you, for the chat (:

Thank you hubby, for dropping me off to work on Wednesday and Friday (:

2009-09-10T21:56:00.001+08:00

I'm so fucking pissed with TEMASEK POLY's STUDENT PORTAL. It simply doesn't load, and I fucking wanna know my results. WHAT THE FUCK MAN! ARGHS.

@#&#$#%&!(!(!)!)#*#&#^@^#$#*@*@#($*#$&$@&^@^@
Closure!

2009-09-10T20:52:00.003+08:00

And so, today is another day.

Tomorrow is Friday, and I TGIF. LOL. 'Cuz my heels are killing me, the boredom is killing me as well. LOL. Not forgetting the icy-cold air-con, and the silence...

I won't deny that the people are really friendly and nice, especially the security guards, and the people in the office (: I do feel comfortable luhs, although all of them are adults. LOL. 3 students from TP were together with me and Li Min, except that they are posted to different departments.

Inside the parliament is so niceeeee! (: I like, and I even joined one of the tours for public on my first day! It was soooo awesome please! (: I kinda love the place, the people, and the environment. I guess my heart of passion is back- I'm keen to learn more from my mentor, Mr Eddie (who's also a nice guy who showed us around the place today).

Overall, I'm happy despite the silence in the office ('cuz everyone is very busy most of the time). Yet, there's always a tinge of warmth from the other staffs (as they'll pop by my cubical, asking me or Li Min how's our jobs, etc). So yeah, I'm satisfied.

By the way, Li Min and I decided to eat fast food for lunch everyday. It's a form of experiment we're conducting on ourselves. LOL. Since the both of us are so bamboo-like, we wanna gain weight! After all, everyone says that by eating fast food everyday, you'll gain weight, we thought of giving it a try. WOOTS.

Alrighty, I'm off to check my results and I'll blog again, when I'm more free (:

I'm very, very, very, very (infinite), certain that you're the one I want, and need (:

2009-09-08T22:44:00.003+08:00

THE PARLIAMENT HOUSE

This is where I'm being posted to, for my attachment! Say, I do feel excited, but at the thought of the life-less environment, I feel so awful. Yes, from tomorrow onwards, I'm gonna be an OFFICE LADY. OMG. Imagine the petite me, wearing formal and heels, looking so shag, squeezing with other OLs & OM (office-men) on the train every morning AND evening. OMG, I so need my life! :(

Uh wells, what can I say.. I just hope I'll be able to learn many things, under a stress-FREE environment. Bless me.

You can stop loving me,

but don't ever lie or hide things from me.

2009-09-04T22:53:00.006+08:00

Word of caution : This post is filled with mouth-watering photos. View at your hunger! =p

Outing with aunt:

One of the cakes that was brought home from Secret Recipe's. Trust me, their banana chocolate cake is heavenly! (: It's rather chocolaty, but its deliciously-awesome. Do try it out if you happen to go there, alright (:

YAYS. Japanese panda biscuit. TRUST ME, ITS AWESOME! OMG. PLUS, its super cute please. Each biscuit has different expressions of pandas. LOL. I love! (:

Many small packs of candies. Not bad luhs, convenient for carrying around in your little bags.

Aunt & I headed to Secret recipe for some drinks and light meal in the late afternoon. Here're the photos of the food (:

Mine (: Inside the mini bowl is filled with dory fish. AWESOME. Imagine the crust, and the creamy sauce, and the fish! OMG. Great combination (:

Some other random food photos (:

Okay, hubby got this for me during the chalet, after I called to say I'm hungry. Awwww... Thanks hubby, you're really sweet (: love you!

Okay, Dad ordered this on the week after my birthday (: Thanks pop! You're the best! (:

This is the sotong ball/ring. LOL. Its nice luhs. Wheeee...

Don't ask me why the chicken wings so black. LOL. I guess it's because of the bbq sauce luhs, 'cuz they doesn't taste chao-ta.

Some random photos (:

Went to bugis a few weeks back with Val, and we had Japanese food for dinner (at MOF's). AWESOMELY-nice! (:

Had the above a few weeks back with a friend, at downtown's Just Acia. Not bad,worthy of money (: niceee! (:

Wheee! My favourite dessert from Bakerzin (: AWESOME. Awww...If only life is like dessert-so sweet (:

Will blog again about events. Meanwhile, DROOL OVER THIS POST! Wahahahas. I'm so evil, I know =p

2009-09-04T18:49:00.003+08:00

This post will be filled with movie reviews, and the rest I'll blog later (:

The hit of the town: Final Destination 4.

Alright, I won't deny that its gross and stuffs, BUT, this movie is gonna suck your soul into the movie itself! Yes, you'll be in for a ride of thrill, and excitement, and not forgetting : disgust & shock. The plot is pretty similar to FD1, 2, and 3- everyone dies in the movie, and before hand, someone is gonna have the Deja Vu, and try to stop everything.

Definitely, the difference is that everyone dies in a different way luhs. No doubt, its worth the money, but not for the weak hearted! (: It was a nice movie, with a little turn of the story here and there. GO WATCH IF YOU HAVEN'T! (:

Next movie is : The last house on the left.

Okay, I'm quite speechless about this one though. Uhs, I won't say its a bad movie, but its rather gore and raw. Yes, its about murdering and raping. Overall, quite a sadist show which is very very draggy at the beginning. There isn't any exact meaning behind this movie, except for the killing, the raping. Uhs, this movie is M18, and erms, I don't know what to say. LOL. However, the movie is able to inject fear and excitement into you luhs. So, its not really a bad movie (:

Lastly, the movie that every one's been talking about: Where got ghost.

Overall, the movie is filled with "moral of the story" and scenes that will make you laugh like no body's business. This movie consist of 3 different stories, and each has a different meaning behind it. Be it touching, or lessons to be learnt, this movie is gonna make you laugh till your tummy ache.

In my context, I think this movie isn't really as good as I expected it to be. However, it is funny enough to make you laugh, except that this movie won't leave a deep impression in your head. So ya, not bad luhs. Can try to watch it (:

2009-08-29T15:30:00.002+08:00

I have committed myself to you, when you made me feel like you worth it.

Everyone says my hair is weird. Uhs, mushroom-like. *sighs* I have no idea, how did it turn out to be this way?! And blogger is being cocky, by not displaying the toolbars for fonts,etc. Right... (edited- alright, its working now. AHAHAHAHAS.)

We just fly away from here.
Anywhere, I don't care.

2009-08-26T23:57:00.003+08:00

I've just committed a crime this early evening. It was a crime that resulted in disastrous consequence, and I'm being punished for that act..

KNS. I trimmed my own fringe, AGAIN, but this time round, I cut it too short. OMG. @#$%^ Tomorrow need to go cut hair. TMD. I wanted to keep it longer, but ended up... LOL. I'm not sure if I should laugh at myself, or be angry about it. *shrugs* Its really dumb, trust me. Alright, shall pamper my hair tomorrow after going to the temple with mom.. I hope the hairdresser will not nag at me *puppy eyes*. HEHS.

you're the one I love (:

2009-08-22T19:00:00.002+08:00

I can't wait for September to come. WOOTS. Reason?!

It spells the end of EXAMS! WAHAHAHAS
It spells the beginning of part-aye! (Erms, I'm not referring to clubbing luhs. Old already, bones gonna break if I continue to club; bad for liver too. OMG. Anyway, I'm referring to hubby's 21st!)
Uhs.. it means holidays ( of 1 week before my attachment starts), thus I can meet up with friends for dinner and high-tea? HEHS.

Okays, I'm off for dinner, before returning to my books. HUAT EHS!

I'm a bookworm in disguise. HOHOHO.
I miss you.

2009-08-18T11:35:00.002+08:00

Exams are around the corner and I think I'm going insane, from all the studying! :( In any case, I will upload photos ASAP (:

Thanks all, for a memorable b'day (: I know, I'm really blessed (: THANK YOU EVERYONE! ((: *loves*

And you enjoy giving me a heart attack.